Thanksgiving - How does it all co-exist?

A week ago, we lost a dear beloved friend. She was a friend, a loving partner, a role model, a sister, a matriarch, a pillar, a daughter, a fighter, a virago in the archaic beautiful meaning of strong warrior woman. We would have been so proud to have her at the wedding. Her spirit will be there.

Many of the choir members were together when we heard the news - we were together on Toronto Island for a retreat. It was heartwarming to have each other to hold and cry with. So sad. And also so wonderful to be there together.
And I am so grateful to have known her.

And I am so conflicted - the mourning must minimize and life must go on. We have to continue planning life, things must go on and I'm astonished.

How does it all keep going on when something monumental has occurred? They say life is for the living - but in a way, we are now living for and with you, too Paula. So we dry our tears and get up and move on. With those we love and who have passed held dearly in our hearts and spirits.

And we celebrate you, Paula. Last year when a woman I barely knew died, and when Brent at MCC talked about honouring our body in our actions, I knew it was time to honour my life and those I love by quitting smoking. Now I look at my actions and my life and I think - I bet Paula would have given everything for another day, week, month, year with Judith. And we would all have given so much for more time with them both. So i'm trying to really be present and live my time and love my best and be my best self - make and keep time for the people I love - the things I love.

And that includes getting back to planning our celebration, with sad, full hearts. With Paula in our sad, full hearts. If only Twinkie and I can have as much love in our life together as Paula and Judith did and do.

I will remind Twinkie of this the next time we disagree ;). And I will remind myself.

Afterwards, Twinkie and I talked and thought about the choir and how much it means to us and has meant to us, and we thought about the wedding. We can't possibly have all the people we want to be at the wedding, there. We just can't afford it. But we were thinking - and maybe this would be selfish or yucky, but we were thinking that we could have a party in the spring, on Ward's Island, for the choir people - no presents, (unless people want, some people are really committed), but just a celebration of the choir and our connection to it ....

We are so blessed to be alive and be connected and to freely live each day. I am so grateful. So grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to all of us.