And so it was ... and it was beautiful ....

And so, it happened!  Two months ago, and without pew bows, the twigs for which are still sitting in our front hallway. 


It happened wonderfully and beautifully and romantically.  We couldn't have had things go better.  People were sweet and kind and loving and giving.  Family was fabulous and sweet and wonderful.  The kids were fantastic - and even though we wanted to pull Johnny off the church pedestal, on which he was planking, even that was memorable.  Possibly sacrilegious, but memorable.  Neither Twinkie nor I were able to talk to everyone present, but we did talk to some people.  The food was really, really good.  Surprisingly good.

At the last minute our room was moved to the bigger room at Fantasy Farm.  The room had floor to ceiling windows along one wall that faced out into the forest (and a bit of the parking lot ;)).  All 60 of the little candles in mason jars, surrounded by coffee beans, were used in the room, and lit at sundown.

For me, having the bridal party and parents dance out to "Born This Way" was incredibly impactful and important, and between than and the beautiful ceremony, and really everything else, made us wish we really had had a videographer.

Our MC was amazing, and sang beautifully at the end of the evening.  Our ushers were classy and marvellous.  One usher also sang beautifully at the end of the evening.The readers read exquisitely!  All five of the kids in the ceremony were gorgeous and sweet and we were touched that they were there, and also touched that they all signed the "Certificate" of Marriage (non-legal) that we will frame.  No problem that some of them signed on top of someone else's signature, they all signed.

All of the bride's maids and other bride's maids and man did an amazing job.  It was amazing to have my daughter at my side and to have a meaningful ceremony with my daughter's father and his partner.  I know Twinkie feels blessed and honoured to have had her dear friends at her side.

The speeches were exquisite and well-received.  The video from the Good Lovelies was incredibly lovely and such a treat.  Both of Twinkie's attendees gave great speeches, Creampuff gave a lovely speech.  The Palindrome gave a lovely speech - fondly remembering something that hadn't ever occurred, lovely. 

And then we flooded the dancefloor - gay and straight, young and old, and we danced! 

The day was magical.  The limos were magical, even if (apologies) some people had to crawl in them on their hands and feet.


Family members who don't get together often, got together.  The menfolk were sweet and loving and fully made up for both of our fathers, who for various reasons did not attend.  People flew in and drove in from all corners of the earth to be present with us on our big day.

For me, it was amazing to have my dearest friends in the world, at my side, and in the same room.  And it was beyond amazing to have Tiger walk me down the aisle - a trip many years ago that we had considered taking together.

And it was a big day.  A really big, long day of ceremony and celebration.  And the pictures are beautiful - a snapshot of how it all was - May 5, 2012.

And then it was over.  Abruptly.  At the end of the night, with much help and very sore feet, the candles were extinguished and the overhead lights went on.  Romance and magic evaporating into the cool night.  We dismantled the room, packed away things and then all piled into taxis back to the hotel.

In the following weeks, life and its happenings began their circular rhythms.  Couples split, jobs were lost, jobs were gained, people moved across the country, people got sick, people moved.  Nothing is how it was on that day two months ago.  So very much has changed.

And the wedding itself was just a day - when all is said and done and paid for, it was just a day.  It was an exquisite day, but the high and glory of that day did not in any way prepare us better for our first post-nuptial argument - when the stakes were so much greater, heavier and more serious than before.  When the thought of losing each other actually entered into our minds and frightened both of us down to our cores. 


We brought six or seven of the hens and chicks plants back home and had the good sense to plant them in the garden.  Two weeks later, we found that despite the bad soil, lack of watering and attention, the hens and chicks had taken root.  That fact really centered me.  Even my bouquet, hanging upside down in our house, has taken root and somehow gleaned enough moisture from our house air, to grow and continue to flower.



I have a spider plant that my 22 year old daughter gave me when she was 2.  It has been split and replanted so many times I can't remember.  There have been times that it has died and I've had to start with one or two cuttings to bring it back to good health, and times that it has been burned by frost or sun.  But it still grows, and every spring it goes outside to spend the summer in sun.

And back to gardening.  Usually back to gardening. 

The wedding was much more beautiful than we could have planned and the weekend and day were exquisite.  People surprised and delighted us, and were so incredibly helpful - Heather's family and my family were both unbelievably helpful!  It was amazing.

And we are married.  And we are happily married.  And trying each day to keep some of the glory and magic of that coffee candlelit night in our hearts as we muddle through the maze of life.






Yours in love and matrimony,

Cupcake and Twinkie

Back to Blonde

With 6 days to go, we both decided to go back to Blonde. 

'nuff said.

Yours in matrimonial excitement

Cupcake

flower girl dress stress

So, every night for weeks we've been doing something or other and we are pooped! On Wednesday while visiting a friend, she draped us in blankets and gave us little nap time. I am not generally a napper, but yes please.

Taking this into account, the logical thing do on a Friday after a very full week and workday was to drive across the GTA in cottage rush hour traffic to shop at "Adorable Kids" for flower girl dresses at a store that closes at 6 pm. It was not like a nap. It was like a war. It was not adorable.

By the end of the day, we had two beautiful flower girl dresses. Unfortunately during a particularly heated part of the drive the engagement rings were tossed off and the wedding cancelled.

But that was a argument and we take it all in stride! We are taking a page out of the book of our plucky flower girls.

Don't they look happy in their new dresses?

Yours in sleep

Cupcake

Polygamy

Turns out you can just be married to one person at a time, and the government wants to be sure of that. Much to our surprise, it turns out that the government authorities require some proof of our respective divorces. Turns out they say they need it for their "records".

I asked my dear friend TS to help out and try to get my documents from the courthouse - his office does this sort of thing. He replied back that although they had tried - since my divorce was almost 20 years ago, they didn't have that sort of thing on file, in fact, they had no record of my existence. I found that insulting of the courts.

And that response made me hightail it to ratland - aka the garage - to find a box that might have copies of something like this. Twinkie assured me that she knew the box it might be in - she had captured it in her memory bank from our marathon garage cleaning session. Turns out she was right and VOILA I have a photocopy of my Divorce Judgment complete with Court File number. Of course this isn't sufficient - we have to get the court to certify it! And who knows how long that will take.

However, despite my arctic blondness, they will now be convinced that my divorce exists. How comforting.

Since our plan at the big shindig is to have all in the wedding party, kids and all, sign the marriage license, finding the divorce stuff is comforting.

Twinkie is still looking for hers - but since she was married in this century, it shouldn't be hard for her.

And the clock ticks on - for one reason or another we've been out every night for weeks. A dear friend last night told us that it might be an idea to rest up and stay home a bit so that we can have time and space to be excited about the big day.

True words.

Yours in non-polygamy and pre-wedding bliss and exhaustion

Cupcake

21 Days to go - 3 weeks - a little less than a month ...???!!!!!!!!@@@@@

As we sit here meditating and drinking green tea ...

No, that is not the truth. The truth is we are watching Law and Order and putting our feet up. My coffee is brewing and Twinkie is having a tea. Three weeks to go. THREE WEEKS!!!!

How on earth did that happen?

We had high hopes of acing this wedding thing, being super-organized, having things roll together like a well -oiled machine. So ... today, we woke up, went to a dress fitting, ran into our neighbour, went to Square One, picked up Creampuff's dress, shopped for TwinkieNiece dresses, got back in the car, drove to The Bay and finished adding things to the registry.

Registries are weird. Well - if you are the one making it, it is weird. I like nothing better than the intimate act of settng a budget and then finding the right combination of egg slicer, asparagus cooker, fondue cooker and shrimp deveiner that adds up to the right number. Brilliant. But being on the other side is weird.

At first, we didn't think we'd have a registry. But then - people kept asking, and then started frantically asking for us to hurry up and get it together and get registered. So we got registered. And then just put the whole registry thing aside. When we finally gathered up the courage, we set a date and went to The Bay, got a scanner and started to scan things for the registry. Weird.

That is what you do - you go in, get the scanner and scan the things you want. Should be fun. Well, the first time it wasn't. It was too weird. So we went back home, put it aside and waited for another right time.

Three weeks later, also known as today, we went to the best Bay ever, the downtown Bay. We marched up to the 5th Floor, and asked for the scanner. And then we mustered up our bravery and spent the next two hours walking around the downtown Bay picking things out, talking about them, sitting in weird chairs and making up table settings of display china. And then something even weirder happened, we started to have fun.

At the end of the day, when we returned the scanner, the Gift Registry woman said we should have had a consultation, and plunked us down to give it to us. We learned so many appropriate bridal things from a woman using the dirtiest long nails I have ever seen to point at pretty pretty things on glossy paper. They even gave me a frosty bottle of cold water!

With sore feet and a full registry we returned home. The registry is done - pretty weird process - but the things we chose are things we would love to have, and we hope that people who want to use the registry are the people who will choose to use it.

Yours in CHORES and love and registry mania,

Cupcake

Fantasy Farm Renovates!

So ...
Twinkie and I had a difference of opinion on the stained glass at Fantasy Farm. We both thought it was really neat - Cinderella, maybe some dwarves, maybe some carriages, possibly pumpkins - whimsical motifs in primary colours. Basically what the walls of our apartment looked like when Creampuff was teaching me how not to be a grown up. So - neat,quirky, funny, whimsical. Not a bad thing.


But here is the thing. Firstly - they told us it might be renovated - and that for me was a big plus. Secondly - I am 18 years older than Twinkie. She just turned 30 and we are planning my 50th. An age gap, to be sure. So when you take that age gap and put the marriage party in a room decorated like a child's bedroom ... well ... let us just say that when we found out that the stained glass was gone, I was elated. I loved the quirkiness, but I love the dark wood floors better.

Twinkie is not so happy and I respect that. She is grieving the whimsical quirkiness and I respect that.

So I do my happy dance quietly and in the dark - that is, when we are not PANICKING!!!! 23 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yours in "oh my goodness this sure snuck up on us" and love,

Cupcake

32 days and wedding presents

Last evening, I kept Twinkie awake by "encouraging" her to help me spend some time on our online wedding planning program (thank you Martha Stewart). We prepared and sent out our final few invites and recorded the latest responses that we have received.

We have 32 days to go til the big day, and only 50% of people have RSVP'd! Some of those are friends and we know they are coming - but we will still have to hound them to make that all-important decision - Fowl, Cow or Fish! Some people just haven't responded. Twinkie finds that surprising - but truth be told, I am usually the person who receives an invite, commits to it internally, then promptly loses the paper. I am always shocked when someone calls to invite me to an event that I clearly want to attend, and have already passively responded to, in my own mind, and yet they seem oblivious.

I don't know about most people, but I think long and hard about wedding gifts. I'm not wealthy, so I can't give people the things I want to give them, like a cottage, a plane, a pot-belly pig or a farm. So I try to think hard, and that is where I get into trouble. I'm much better and less creative when there is a registry.

Every time I leave my house with my clothes on and my hair dry and presentable, I thank the gods. It is a miracle. So leaving the house, clean and dry, with a wedding present in my arms, is an even bigger miracle. In fact, such a big miracle that it doesn't often happen.

For one wedding, I received a thank you card and the inside said "Thank you for attending our wedding". It was then I realized that the the wedding gift card with the wedding gift I had meant to mail was still sitting on the buffet at home. Oops. I'd like to say that this doesn't happen often. But I would be lying. Currently, upstairs, in a box, is the wedding present that just arrived for my brother and his wife. They were married four months ago. It is a pretty neat gift, but still ...

However, now we are on the other end of wedding gifts. It is an odd place to be. People keep asking us what we want and we just don't know what to say. But people want to give us something. People want us to know. People want a registry.

And it won't matter to us if someone forgets their card or gift at home. Won't matter to us if it comes four months later or not at all. Sweet, though, that people want to give us something to mark the start of our life together. So ... after the 6th person asked about a registry, we are going to set one up. Apparently, you get to use the scanning gun to do it. How tremendously exciting and cool. Deep breaths and gratitude and holy sh** in one month we will be married!!!!!!

With presents and presence and AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Yours in matrimony
Cupcake