Turns out, the Mayans believe the world is ending on May 12, 2012. So we don't have much time left here. At this rate, I may not write a bestselling novel nor get named as one of the richest women on the planet, but I can boast of having laughed more in the last 21 months, than ever before in my life, thanks to Twinkie. Which is quite a good thing because as it turns out, unemployment on its own isn't that funny.
Yes, Yes, I agree - better in the long run, when one door closes, the guillotine lands, etc. etc., it will all work out - and we will be in a position to make better and more fulfilling choices. Yes, it is all pointing in an excellent direction for the future.
But as for the present, we were to be married on June 18th, 2011 in Oakville. We even made magnets that are still on many people's fridges. We were looking forward to it, having fun planning it, enjoying all the management of the wedding and the stress and the excitement. But then we also started to enjoy the bills and the quotations. And that gave us pause. And then choice, and then when we were asked for more deposits, that gave us a hint and a nudge. And then we contempated the reality that we were going to have to postpone the Big Gay Nuptuals.
We are relieved and disappointed and are hoping to be away doing something fun on June 18th so that we can distract ourselves. But on the plus side, it gives us time to plan what we really want, and we would like help - because we aren't finding it!
We have picked the date of May 5, 2012 to be married in the afternoon. Our ideal spot would be in a barn - without the livestock preferably, and with mason jars filled with wildflowers (tough in May, I know, but girls can dream). We/I would like a barbecue or a casual meal and a fantastic dance party in the barn lit by twinkle lights - not too far from Toronto, or far enough that people can stay over.
So please put that date in your calendar, and help us find our barn for an excellent celebration of love and laughter! Also - after the wedding, there is only a week left of the world as we know it - so a good time to celebrate!
Yours in inconvenient reality and optimism and matrimonial planning,
Cupcake
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wordle Word Map of the Blog
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Pouting
I forgot to mention about the pouting and cancelling the wedding, and what saved us. So, after seeing the beautiful spots and having more than one unpleasant discussion about the reception and guest list, we decided, fine, we'll cancel or postpone. We'll have it somewhere else, some other date, another time.
But what about the magnets? What about the timing? What about my sister who is a busy Professor and travelling a lot? What about all the other people?
Over Christmas, we got really stressed about it.
Until KM wrote to us. A voice of reason in the murky muck.
She reminded us to think of why we wanted to do this in the first place. She reminded us to remember our vision and what we wanted. She reminded us that this is special and sacred and important to us, and that the people who love us will support us on our day, however it materializes.
And we realized she is right. And we probably didn't thank her enough for that. But she has reminded us of our deeper meaning, and reasons for this. So many of us are joined and healed and comforted and united in music. We want to hear each other's voices and share a meal and laughter and story and rejoice in the happiness that doesn't come every day or year or to us, decade.
So, thank you KM for being the voice that reminded us to stop thinking outside and think inside, from love. Love for each other, our friends, family, community and for song and voice and laughter.
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
But what about the magnets? What about the timing? What about my sister who is a busy Professor and travelling a lot? What about all the other people?
Over Christmas, we got really stressed about it.
Until KM wrote to us. A voice of reason in the murky muck.
She reminded us to think of why we wanted to do this in the first place. She reminded us to remember our vision and what we wanted. She reminded us that this is special and sacred and important to us, and that the people who love us will support us on our day, however it materializes.
And we realized she is right. And we probably didn't thank her enough for that. But she has reminded us of our deeper meaning, and reasons for this. So many of us are joined and healed and comforted and united in music. We want to hear each other's voices and share a meal and laughter and story and rejoice in the happiness that doesn't come every day or year or to us, decade.
So, thank you KM for being the voice that reminded us to stop thinking outside and think inside, from love. Love for each other, our friends, family, community and for song and voice and laughter.
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
Friday, January 14, 2011
CO is amazing!
Over the Christmas holidays, one of our relatives, CO, offered to help us with our wedding planning. We've been confused, astonished, mixed up and overwhelmed! So CO stepped in over the Christmas holidays to give us some company, options and ideas.
We visited our existing venue, and talked about our guest list, looked at the venue again, and then got astonished. What we do know is that 120 people cannot be seated for a sit down meal at our existing venue. So we went looking for a space that could accommodate our guests. Shockingly, we found two.
One was about 10 minutes away, in the middle of Mississauga. Glenerin Inn. It is gorgeous. When we arrived at the reception area, we could see, close to the window, four deer grazing. We were in love. Then the wonderful event planner there told us the price - something like $119/person. We were in imaginary-land. But also hooked.
We figured, we calculated, we planned, we imagined. There were so many things perfect about this venue.
Except for the fact that we would have to pay for it.
Granted, we would be getting a lot for our money. But until I have a full time job again, we are only 1/2 an income.
We were still in love with the deer and the venue. But we realized that we might not be able to have our wedding at the Glenerin Inn.
Not one to be daunted, CO took Twinkie to another venue. A bland, run of the mill event hall. It was good, they would be nut-free, it had parking, they would organize everything. We wouldn't have to worry.
It was also good - and the price was better $86/person. But the room had a stunning view of the parking lot. Would that matter?
We tried to talk about how it was not about the view, it was not about the venue, it was about us. And then we tried to talk about the price.
Somewhere within us came up again our real dream. We want to get married in an outdoorsy setting - with wildflowers in mason jars, simplicity, people being comfortable and a casual atmosphere.
So, we are not going to be hosting our wedding at either of the other two venues. We aren't really talking about it yet - and aren't really planning, yet. It was pretty disappointing realizing that we couldn't just purchase a wedding off the rack and then just show up and have it all smoothly unfold.
And shhhhh don't tell Twinkie, but I think someday soon we are going to start talking again about our dream wedding.
Because what is important to me is to celebrate the love I have found, and the family we have created for me, for Twinkie and for Creampuff, as well as the rest of our families. My deeply held belief is that life can be pretty hard, and every new committed love relationship should be launched with the support and encouragement of family and friends and community. And I am so proud and honoured to declare our new family and to acknowledge connection to our friends and family.
And to do that, we will have to face some realities. The guest list will have to be pared down. We want all the single people to be able to bring a guest - and that number, coincidentally, is the number of people by which we have to cut the guest list. Can we cut in other areas? Realities. Twinkie and I have to do that hard work. We want everyone to be there, but we can't have everyone there. **sigh**. And once we get the guts to manage that - then we can move forward in joy.
CO is amazing - he is going to be a spectacular event planner - he already is such an amazing fellow. We have ordered him business cards to help him getting other clients.
I'm just putting it out there - I want a barbecue. And Twinkie wants a dance and a party. And we want the friends to sing who want to sing. And we want music and joy and community and for everyone to have a great time. I want our wedding to be a celebration, a bringing together, a recommitment and a great party.
And thank you CO, from our hearts, you are amazing and lovely and fantastic and so good to help us out. We only hope we can repay you. And we also hope you are ready for this challenge. The BBQ dance party in the refurbished barn in Oakville.
153 days to go ....
Hallelujah...
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
We visited our existing venue, and talked about our guest list, looked at the venue again, and then got astonished. What we do know is that 120 people cannot be seated for a sit down meal at our existing venue. So we went looking for a space that could accommodate our guests. Shockingly, we found two.
One was about 10 minutes away, in the middle of Mississauga. Glenerin Inn. It is gorgeous. When we arrived at the reception area, we could see, close to the window, four deer grazing. We were in love. Then the wonderful event planner there told us the price - something like $119/person. We were in imaginary-land. But also hooked.
We figured, we calculated, we planned, we imagined. There were so many things perfect about this venue.
Except for the fact that we would have to pay for it.
Granted, we would be getting a lot for our money. But until I have a full time job again, we are only 1/2 an income.
We were still in love with the deer and the venue. But we realized that we might not be able to have our wedding at the Glenerin Inn.
Not one to be daunted, CO took Twinkie to another venue. A bland, run of the mill event hall. It was good, they would be nut-free, it had parking, they would organize everything. We wouldn't have to worry.
It was also good - and the price was better $86/person. But the room had a stunning view of the parking lot. Would that matter?
We tried to talk about how it was not about the view, it was not about the venue, it was about us. And then we tried to talk about the price.
Somewhere within us came up again our real dream. We want to get married in an outdoorsy setting - with wildflowers in mason jars, simplicity, people being comfortable and a casual atmosphere.
So, we are not going to be hosting our wedding at either of the other two venues. We aren't really talking about it yet - and aren't really planning, yet. It was pretty disappointing realizing that we couldn't just purchase a wedding off the rack and then just show up and have it all smoothly unfold.
And shhhhh don't tell Twinkie, but I think someday soon we are going to start talking again about our dream wedding.
Because what is important to me is to celebrate the love I have found, and the family we have created for me, for Twinkie and for Creampuff, as well as the rest of our families. My deeply held belief is that life can be pretty hard, and every new committed love relationship should be launched with the support and encouragement of family and friends and community. And I am so proud and honoured to declare our new family and to acknowledge connection to our friends and family.
And to do that, we will have to face some realities. The guest list will have to be pared down. We want all the single people to be able to bring a guest - and that number, coincidentally, is the number of people by which we have to cut the guest list. Can we cut in other areas? Realities. Twinkie and I have to do that hard work. We want everyone to be there, but we can't have everyone there. **sigh**. And once we get the guts to manage that - then we can move forward in joy.
CO is amazing - he is going to be a spectacular event planner - he already is such an amazing fellow. We have ordered him business cards to help him getting other clients.
I'm just putting it out there - I want a barbecue. And Twinkie wants a dance and a party. And we want the friends to sing who want to sing. And we want music and joy and community and for everyone to have a great time. I want our wedding to be a celebration, a bringing together, a recommitment and a great party.
And thank you CO, from our hearts, you are amazing and lovely and fantastic and so good to help us out. We only hope we can repay you. And we also hope you are ready for this challenge. The BBQ dance party in the refurbished barn in Oakville.
153 days to go ....
Hallelujah...
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Guest lists and Romance - can they co-exist?
Nothing says I love you more than a frank discussion about the wedding guest list. Having your beloved confront you with the brutal reality that your dentist, although a vital part of your oral health, does not merit a place at the family wedding table, despite his prowess with a drill - is not exactly flowers and candle worthy. Or is it.
This shit is hard. And I am grateful for all of it. Will probably have to change dentists.
Yours in harmony and matrimony
Cupcake
This shit is hard. And I am grateful for all of it. Will probably have to change dentists.
Yours in harmony and matrimony
Cupcake
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Our wedding and the real one.
Wedding planning is strange and wonderful, and the ways that people react to weddings are strange and wonderful. The way that people react to gay weddings can be really different. Even people who would swear up and down that they aren't homophobic and swear up and down that they believe in equality. They can be the people who think that gay marriage is quaint or something that should be done in the store window of the Bay at Christmas, by perfectly dressed mannequins, or at Wonderland in a booth, with a painted face.
Fair enough. But what is equality if it isn't really equal. If straight marriage is celebrated with tradition and gay marriage is celebrated with binoculars and a telephoto lens, what does that mean? Can you be a spectacle and also just yourself, in love and celebration.
The reason this all comes up for me is that there is another person biologically close to me that is also getting married. Doing it traditionally, with both sexes represented. And in my biological pool, there are key people who are reacting really differently to each scenario.
And it really surprises me. I don't know why - maybe because Twinkie and I are just so grateful and happy and can't believe our luck - we can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to come and eat a meal and toast our happiness. Celebrate.
I am working to be okay with that. ALL the people who love us and are friends and family - whether blood family or chosen, support us and want to celebrate, or pretend to :). Yet there are some who claim to support and yet refuse to acknowledge.
Maybe it is different because it means so much to me now, for my second wedding, and there are some close blood relatives who really would prefer not to discuss it. So, in reaction to that, I must say, I get gayer. Yes, gayer - the last time this happened was two days ago. When one of our beautiful supporters lauded us and celebrated us, a close relative poohh-poohed the celebration and said, there are a lot of things happening next year. I felt like I had been slapped, so I got gayer and gave Twinkie a big smooch. In front of a lot of people who could donate a kidney to me. At a dinner table. At someone else's birthday party. And in front of a ton of people who will be going to both weddings next year - ours and the real one.
Twinkie and I are so incredibly blessed with beautiful friends and family and chosen family - when these things happen it just makes you realize and be even more grateful for the world we have fought to live in and the freedom we have to marry - even if the climate in which to marry isn't yet perfect, we are all carving out the traditions.
I used to tell people that if I ever considered marrying again, I would do it in full drag style, with drag queens as bride's maids and just really pull all the stereotypes. So I guess I grew away from that. Such a journey, this wedding year.
Each day and revelation and coming out as an engaged lesbian brings up people's thoughts and views and prejudices and also inexperience for the most part. In fairness, many of the people who are coming to our shindig have never been to a gay wedding, and in our spirit of living openly, we chose to make sure to have as many as we could invite to expand people's ideas of normal - not that Twinkie and I fall into the category of normal :), but hopefully our wedding will expand others' views.
Maybe Twinkie and I WILL get married in the store window at the Bay :) - it would be air conditioned and there would be room for all the guests!
Will put that to our wedding saviour C.O. for his perusal.
Yours in gay matrimony
Cupcake
Fair enough. But what is equality if it isn't really equal. If straight marriage is celebrated with tradition and gay marriage is celebrated with binoculars and a telephoto lens, what does that mean? Can you be a spectacle and also just yourself, in love and celebration.
The reason this all comes up for me is that there is another person biologically close to me that is also getting married. Doing it traditionally, with both sexes represented. And in my biological pool, there are key people who are reacting really differently to each scenario.
And it really surprises me. I don't know why - maybe because Twinkie and I are just so grateful and happy and can't believe our luck - we can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to come and eat a meal and toast our happiness. Celebrate.
I am working to be okay with that. ALL the people who love us and are friends and family - whether blood family or chosen, support us and want to celebrate, or pretend to :). Yet there are some who claim to support and yet refuse to acknowledge.
Maybe it is different because it means so much to me now, for my second wedding, and there are some close blood relatives who really would prefer not to discuss it. So, in reaction to that, I must say, I get gayer. Yes, gayer - the last time this happened was two days ago. When one of our beautiful supporters lauded us and celebrated us, a close relative poohh-poohed the celebration and said, there are a lot of things happening next year. I felt like I had been slapped, so I got gayer and gave Twinkie a big smooch. In front of a lot of people who could donate a kidney to me. At a dinner table. At someone else's birthday party. And in front of a ton of people who will be going to both weddings next year - ours and the real one.
Twinkie and I are so incredibly blessed with beautiful friends and family and chosen family - when these things happen it just makes you realize and be even more grateful for the world we have fought to live in and the freedom we have to marry - even if the climate in which to marry isn't yet perfect, we are all carving out the traditions.
I used to tell people that if I ever considered marrying again, I would do it in full drag style, with drag queens as bride's maids and just really pull all the stereotypes. So I guess I grew away from that. Such a journey, this wedding year.
Each day and revelation and coming out as an engaged lesbian brings up people's thoughts and views and prejudices and also inexperience for the most part. In fairness, many of the people who are coming to our shindig have never been to a gay wedding, and in our spirit of living openly, we chose to make sure to have as many as we could invite to expand people's ideas of normal - not that Twinkie and I fall into the category of normal :), but hopefully our wedding will expand others' views.
Maybe Twinkie and I WILL get married in the store window at the Bay :) - it would be air conditioned and there would be room for all the guests!
Will put that to our wedding saviour C.O. for his perusal.
Yours in gay matrimony
Cupcake
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Beyond our Control! No change so far!
So, called to confirm the booking at the new location - after we had celebrated last night.
When we spoke with the guy this morning, he told us he was mistaken, that day is NOT available.
So, back to square one. **sigh**
Beautiful location, but our guest list is too big!
What to do ...
Yours in matrimony and confusion
Cupcake
When we spoke with the guy this morning, he told us he was mistaken, that day is NOT available.
So, back to square one. **sigh**
Beautiful location, but our guest list is too big!
What to do ...
Yours in matrimony and confusion
Cupcake
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