So ... here's the thing. Twinkie is not my friend - well, that isn't true. She is my friend, but she is also my fiancee. In my family, there are two fiancees named the same name as Twinkie. Since Fiancee #2 is heterosexual, she is referred to as the family member's fiancee. My Twinkie is Fiancee #1 and yet, my family continues to refer to her as my "friend".
How on earth do you deal with that. We've brought it up, we've spoken about it, we've educated, and still --- "Friend".
In my lifetime, our rights have come so far, yet have so far to go to equality.
Twinkie is not only my friend, she is my partner, the love of my life, my inspiration, my breath, my song and my love ... and my fiancee.
Every time I hear her referred to as my "friend" a new baby gay is born - that is how I can deal with it!
Yours in solidarity and engagement and bliss,
Cupcake
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
May 5, 2012 at Fantasy Farm!!!!!!
We are booked! One year of engagement and one to go! We are so excited and in shock and really looking forward to the planning and all that the next year has to bring us all! We have K.L. and S.C. standing up for us, L.C. as MC, C.O. as Wedding Planner, D.D. as our officiant, M.K. offered tonight to be the allergy-free caterer/bbqer for the 6 allergy-free people. We're thinking of having forsythia and pussywillow bouquets, and the venue has a great menu. The venue is quirky, funny and fun! The stained glass storybook figures put us off a little at first, but now we've embraced them as kitschy 70's! Tonight we got a look at how the room will look, what the ceremony will look like, and we are so excited! Thanks for being with us through the last year of planning and our false start, and thank you for continuing to be with us! Yours in matrimonial preparation, hope, love and family of all kinds :)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Inconvenient reality and May 5, 2012
Turns out, the Mayans believe the world is ending on May 12, 2012. So we don't have much time left here. At this rate, I may not write a bestselling novel nor get named as one of the richest women on the planet, but I can boast of having laughed more in the last 21 months, than ever before in my life, thanks to Twinkie. Which is quite a good thing because as it turns out, unemployment on its own isn't that funny.
Yes, Yes, I agree - better in the long run, when one door closes, the guillotine lands, etc. etc., it will all work out - and we will be in a position to make better and more fulfilling choices. Yes, it is all pointing in an excellent direction for the future.
But as for the present, we were to be married on June 18th, 2011 in Oakville. We even made magnets that are still on many people's fridges. We were looking forward to it, having fun planning it, enjoying all the management of the wedding and the stress and the excitement. But then we also started to enjoy the bills and the quotations. And that gave us pause. And then choice, and then when we were asked for more deposits, that gave us a hint and a nudge. And then we contempated the reality that we were going to have to postpone the Big Gay Nuptuals.
We are relieved and disappointed and are hoping to be away doing something fun on June 18th so that we can distract ourselves. But on the plus side, it gives us time to plan what we really want, and we would like help - because we aren't finding it!
We have picked the date of May 5, 2012 to be married in the afternoon. Our ideal spot would be in a barn - without the livestock preferably, and with mason jars filled with wildflowers (tough in May, I know, but girls can dream). We/I would like a barbecue or a casual meal and a fantastic dance party in the barn lit by twinkle lights - not too far from Toronto, or far enough that people can stay over.
So please put that date in your calendar, and help us find our barn for an excellent celebration of love and laughter! Also - after the wedding, there is only a week left of the world as we know it - so a good time to celebrate!
Yours in inconvenient reality and optimism and matrimonial planning,
Cupcake
Yes, Yes, I agree - better in the long run, when one door closes, the guillotine lands, etc. etc., it will all work out - and we will be in a position to make better and more fulfilling choices. Yes, it is all pointing in an excellent direction for the future.
But as for the present, we were to be married on June 18th, 2011 in Oakville. We even made magnets that are still on many people's fridges. We were looking forward to it, having fun planning it, enjoying all the management of the wedding and the stress and the excitement. But then we also started to enjoy the bills and the quotations. And that gave us pause. And then choice, and then when we were asked for more deposits, that gave us a hint and a nudge. And then we contempated the reality that we were going to have to postpone the Big Gay Nuptuals.
We are relieved and disappointed and are hoping to be away doing something fun on June 18th so that we can distract ourselves. But on the plus side, it gives us time to plan what we really want, and we would like help - because we aren't finding it!
We have picked the date of May 5, 2012 to be married in the afternoon. Our ideal spot would be in a barn - without the livestock preferably, and with mason jars filled with wildflowers (tough in May, I know, but girls can dream). We/I would like a barbecue or a casual meal and a fantastic dance party in the barn lit by twinkle lights - not too far from Toronto, or far enough that people can stay over.
So please put that date in your calendar, and help us find our barn for an excellent celebration of love and laughter! Also - after the wedding, there is only a week left of the world as we know it - so a good time to celebrate!
Yours in inconvenient reality and optimism and matrimonial planning,
Cupcake
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wordle Word Map of the Blog
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Pouting
I forgot to mention about the pouting and cancelling the wedding, and what saved us. So, after seeing the beautiful spots and having more than one unpleasant discussion about the reception and guest list, we decided, fine, we'll cancel or postpone. We'll have it somewhere else, some other date, another time.
But what about the magnets? What about the timing? What about my sister who is a busy Professor and travelling a lot? What about all the other people?
Over Christmas, we got really stressed about it.
Until KM wrote to us. A voice of reason in the murky muck.
She reminded us to think of why we wanted to do this in the first place. She reminded us to remember our vision and what we wanted. She reminded us that this is special and sacred and important to us, and that the people who love us will support us on our day, however it materializes.
And we realized she is right. And we probably didn't thank her enough for that. But she has reminded us of our deeper meaning, and reasons for this. So many of us are joined and healed and comforted and united in music. We want to hear each other's voices and share a meal and laughter and story and rejoice in the happiness that doesn't come every day or year or to us, decade.
So, thank you KM for being the voice that reminded us to stop thinking outside and think inside, from love. Love for each other, our friends, family, community and for song and voice and laughter.
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
But what about the magnets? What about the timing? What about my sister who is a busy Professor and travelling a lot? What about all the other people?
Over Christmas, we got really stressed about it.
Until KM wrote to us. A voice of reason in the murky muck.
She reminded us to think of why we wanted to do this in the first place. She reminded us to remember our vision and what we wanted. She reminded us that this is special and sacred and important to us, and that the people who love us will support us on our day, however it materializes.
And we realized she is right. And we probably didn't thank her enough for that. But she has reminded us of our deeper meaning, and reasons for this. So many of us are joined and healed and comforted and united in music. We want to hear each other's voices and share a meal and laughter and story and rejoice in the happiness that doesn't come every day or year or to us, decade.
So, thank you KM for being the voice that reminded us to stop thinking outside and think inside, from love. Love for each other, our friends, family, community and for song and voice and laughter.
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
Friday, January 14, 2011
CO is amazing!
Over the Christmas holidays, one of our relatives, CO, offered to help us with our wedding planning. We've been confused, astonished, mixed up and overwhelmed! So CO stepped in over the Christmas holidays to give us some company, options and ideas.
We visited our existing venue, and talked about our guest list, looked at the venue again, and then got astonished. What we do know is that 120 people cannot be seated for a sit down meal at our existing venue. So we went looking for a space that could accommodate our guests. Shockingly, we found two.
One was about 10 minutes away, in the middle of Mississauga. Glenerin Inn. It is gorgeous. When we arrived at the reception area, we could see, close to the window, four deer grazing. We were in love. Then the wonderful event planner there told us the price - something like $119/person. We were in imaginary-land. But also hooked.
We figured, we calculated, we planned, we imagined. There were so many things perfect about this venue.
Except for the fact that we would have to pay for it.
Granted, we would be getting a lot for our money. But until I have a full time job again, we are only 1/2 an income.
We were still in love with the deer and the venue. But we realized that we might not be able to have our wedding at the Glenerin Inn.
Not one to be daunted, CO took Twinkie to another venue. A bland, run of the mill event hall. It was good, they would be nut-free, it had parking, they would organize everything. We wouldn't have to worry.
It was also good - and the price was better $86/person. But the room had a stunning view of the parking lot. Would that matter?
We tried to talk about how it was not about the view, it was not about the venue, it was about us. And then we tried to talk about the price.
Somewhere within us came up again our real dream. We want to get married in an outdoorsy setting - with wildflowers in mason jars, simplicity, people being comfortable and a casual atmosphere.
So, we are not going to be hosting our wedding at either of the other two venues. We aren't really talking about it yet - and aren't really planning, yet. It was pretty disappointing realizing that we couldn't just purchase a wedding off the rack and then just show up and have it all smoothly unfold.
And shhhhh don't tell Twinkie, but I think someday soon we are going to start talking again about our dream wedding.
Because what is important to me is to celebrate the love I have found, and the family we have created for me, for Twinkie and for Creampuff, as well as the rest of our families. My deeply held belief is that life can be pretty hard, and every new committed love relationship should be launched with the support and encouragement of family and friends and community. And I am so proud and honoured to declare our new family and to acknowledge connection to our friends and family.
And to do that, we will have to face some realities. The guest list will have to be pared down. We want all the single people to be able to bring a guest - and that number, coincidentally, is the number of people by which we have to cut the guest list. Can we cut in other areas? Realities. Twinkie and I have to do that hard work. We want everyone to be there, but we can't have everyone there. **sigh**. And once we get the guts to manage that - then we can move forward in joy.
CO is amazing - he is going to be a spectacular event planner - he already is such an amazing fellow. We have ordered him business cards to help him getting other clients.
I'm just putting it out there - I want a barbecue. And Twinkie wants a dance and a party. And we want the friends to sing who want to sing. And we want music and joy and community and for everyone to have a great time. I want our wedding to be a celebration, a bringing together, a recommitment and a great party.
And thank you CO, from our hearts, you are amazing and lovely and fantastic and so good to help us out. We only hope we can repay you. And we also hope you are ready for this challenge. The BBQ dance party in the refurbished barn in Oakville.
153 days to go ....
Hallelujah...
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
We visited our existing venue, and talked about our guest list, looked at the venue again, and then got astonished. What we do know is that 120 people cannot be seated for a sit down meal at our existing venue. So we went looking for a space that could accommodate our guests. Shockingly, we found two.
One was about 10 minutes away, in the middle of Mississauga. Glenerin Inn. It is gorgeous. When we arrived at the reception area, we could see, close to the window, four deer grazing. We were in love. Then the wonderful event planner there told us the price - something like $119/person. We were in imaginary-land. But also hooked.
We figured, we calculated, we planned, we imagined. There were so many things perfect about this venue.
Except for the fact that we would have to pay for it.
Granted, we would be getting a lot for our money. But until I have a full time job again, we are only 1/2 an income.
We were still in love with the deer and the venue. But we realized that we might not be able to have our wedding at the Glenerin Inn.
Not one to be daunted, CO took Twinkie to another venue. A bland, run of the mill event hall. It was good, they would be nut-free, it had parking, they would organize everything. We wouldn't have to worry.
It was also good - and the price was better $86/person. But the room had a stunning view of the parking lot. Would that matter?
We tried to talk about how it was not about the view, it was not about the venue, it was about us. And then we tried to talk about the price.
Somewhere within us came up again our real dream. We want to get married in an outdoorsy setting - with wildflowers in mason jars, simplicity, people being comfortable and a casual atmosphere.
So, we are not going to be hosting our wedding at either of the other two venues. We aren't really talking about it yet - and aren't really planning, yet. It was pretty disappointing realizing that we couldn't just purchase a wedding off the rack and then just show up and have it all smoothly unfold.
And shhhhh don't tell Twinkie, but I think someday soon we are going to start talking again about our dream wedding.
Because what is important to me is to celebrate the love I have found, and the family we have created for me, for Twinkie and for Creampuff, as well as the rest of our families. My deeply held belief is that life can be pretty hard, and every new committed love relationship should be launched with the support and encouragement of family and friends and community. And I am so proud and honoured to declare our new family and to acknowledge connection to our friends and family.
And to do that, we will have to face some realities. The guest list will have to be pared down. We want all the single people to be able to bring a guest - and that number, coincidentally, is the number of people by which we have to cut the guest list. Can we cut in other areas? Realities. Twinkie and I have to do that hard work. We want everyone to be there, but we can't have everyone there. **sigh**. And once we get the guts to manage that - then we can move forward in joy.
CO is amazing - he is going to be a spectacular event planner - he already is such an amazing fellow. We have ordered him business cards to help him getting other clients.
I'm just putting it out there - I want a barbecue. And Twinkie wants a dance and a party. And we want the friends to sing who want to sing. And we want music and joy and community and for everyone to have a great time. I want our wedding to be a celebration, a bringing together, a recommitment and a great party.
And thank you CO, from our hearts, you are amazing and lovely and fantastic and so good to help us out. We only hope we can repay you. And we also hope you are ready for this challenge. The BBQ dance party in the refurbished barn in Oakville.
153 days to go ....
Hallelujah...
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Guest lists and Romance - can they co-exist?
Nothing says I love you more than a frank discussion about the wedding guest list. Having your beloved confront you with the brutal reality that your dentist, although a vital part of your oral health, does not merit a place at the family wedding table, despite his prowess with a drill - is not exactly flowers and candle worthy. Or is it.
This shit is hard. And I am grateful for all of it. Will probably have to change dentists.
Yours in harmony and matrimony
Cupcake
This shit is hard. And I am grateful for all of it. Will probably have to change dentists.
Yours in harmony and matrimony
Cupcake
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