Making a sign that reads "Just Fired" and hanging it with tin cans on the back of the car!

Wow. What a wrench in the works. Got fired last week. Escorted off the premises. Not exactly a wedding-y event, nor particularly romantic. There wasn't a lace wrapped piece of cake to be found anywhere.

Went into the office on Monday, having a good idea that I would be fired. On the way in to work, as I shook in the car, I thought of all the love in my life, all the people who support me, all the ways I am connected in beautiful community. And in my mind, as I got out of the car, I got tremendous strength by linking arms with all the beautiful strong people I know, starting with Twinkie on one side and Creampuff on the other, building and building a long arm-linked chain, and with the strength of everyone, I faced being fired. I thank you all.

Yikes. Once you start recording bits and pieces of a year, you realize all the things that happen over the course of a year. And for me, getting fired is one of them.

Today, when I was driving home from my lunch date with T.S., I saw a car and thought about those tin cans behind a newlywed's car, and wondered if it would be appropriate to decorate my car to celebrate just being fired. Obviously not.

Twinkie's papa is also very sick in hospital. We hope he gets much better soon. We invited him to the wedding while we were in the hospital.

Twinkie has been my rock for the last week and a bit during this ... change in circumstance. Can't imagine what it would be like to go through this riding my own crazy without a referee. Universe willing, this will all get settled this week.

Then, I'll get a new job and we will continue planning!

Must check in with Martha and see how many deadlines we have missed!

Yours in matrimony,

Cupcake

Decisions!!!

229 days! And we are still waffling on the type of dinner, guest list, etc. etc. We'd change the venue too if we didn't have the magnets printed up. Holy Moly. The thing is - we want our friends and family to be there for a dinner, a party, a memory and at the end, all our incredible marvellously talented musicians to gather and play music. We aren't committed to a served meal, but we couldn't figure out what we might like. Last night, on the way home from S.L-W and D.'s house, we think we may have made a decision - note the certainty. We think that we will have a buffet - barbecued shish kebabs, fresh salads, scallopped potatoes, yummy stuff for the vegetarians, etc. That will involve people lining up and possibly spilling, but we think it will be wonderful. We should also check in with the owner of the venue and see if she might be ready for us to sign a contract ... Halloween tonight. I was a nurse at work, but a humbug at home and turned the lights off and blocked the stairs. Turns out Twinkie is a Halloween nut and I looked at her facebook pictures from back in the day pre-Cupcake and she sure is/was a Halloween nut. So next year, no blocking the stairs - I will dress up like a drag king and decorate. And I will be happy doing it. Have to go to the Martha Stewart site we signed up for and figure out how incredibly deliquent we truly are at planning the shindig. But one thing remains, every single day I am so grateful to be so blessed with a love like the one I share with Twinkie. Shishkebabs or hotdogs, I am the luckiest woman in the world to hold her hand and heart. Happy Halloween.

Cupcake, Twinkie and Creampuff were looking at wedding dresses ...

Countdown

244 days, 23 hrs, 13 min, 24 sec

Thanksgiving - How does it all co-exist?

A week ago, we lost a dear beloved friend. She was a friend, a loving partner, a role model, a sister, a matriarch, a pillar, a daughter, a fighter, a virago in the archaic beautiful meaning of strong warrior woman. We would have been so proud to have her at the wedding. Her spirit will be there.

Many of the choir members were together when we heard the news - we were together on Toronto Island for a retreat. It was heartwarming to have each other to hold and cry with. So sad. And also so wonderful to be there together.
And I am so grateful to have known her.

And I am so conflicted - the mourning must minimize and life must go on. We have to continue planning life, things must go on and I'm astonished.

How does it all keep going on when something monumental has occurred? They say life is for the living - but in a way, we are now living for and with you, too Paula. So we dry our tears and get up and move on. With those we love and who have passed held dearly in our hearts and spirits.

And we celebrate you, Paula. Last year when a woman I barely knew died, and when Brent at MCC talked about honouring our body in our actions, I knew it was time to honour my life and those I love by quitting smoking. Now I look at my actions and my life and I think - I bet Paula would have given everything for another day, week, month, year with Judith. And we would all have given so much for more time with them both. So i'm trying to really be present and live my time and love my best and be my best self - make and keep time for the people I love - the things I love.

And that includes getting back to planning our celebration, with sad, full hearts. With Paula in our sad, full hearts. If only Twinkie and I can have as much love in our life together as Paula and Judith did and do.

I will remind Twinkie of this the next time we disagree ;). And I will remind myself.

Afterwards, Twinkie and I talked and thought about the choir and how much it means to us and has meant to us, and we thought about the wedding. We can't possibly have all the people we want to be at the wedding, there. We just can't afford it. But we were thinking - and maybe this would be selfish or yucky, but we were thinking that we could have a party in the spring, on Ward's Island, for the choir people - no presents, (unless people want, some people are really committed), but just a celebration of the choir and our connection to it ....

We are so blessed to be alive and be connected and to freely live each day. I am so grateful. So grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to all of us.

Time

Time passes! We now have 9 months til the big day - great if we are cooking up a baby, but shockingly short to cook up a really fun weddin' :). Or maybe just enough time. Twinkie and I have been immersed in things non-matrimonial, and also in Newfoundland and are just now back getting our Southern Ontario bearings. Sadly, one of our friends' parents died in August. We were able to have a lovely dinner party with those friends and to celebrate our friendship - some, like T.P. and T.W., I have been friends with 30 and 17 years. Time. I can't believe I have been friends with T.P. for two years longer than Twinkie has been on this planet. Time. Passes.

So, wedding updates:

1. We may have a caterer - have sent her info and details and are waiting for some info and details coming back from her, and prices. Since nobody has stepped forward to offer to pay for the shindig, it turns out Twinkie and I are doing it. And it will be so worth it to have all the people we love together to celebrate love and luck and joy and family. blah blah i digress

2. We may have an officiant - we are trying to firm that up - again, needs money, so great

3. We have the venue, we think, but as yet, no contract.

Uh oh. terrified now.

Some sweet wedding things/moments:

1. We received our first engagement gift from L.S., a lovely lucky bamboo - totally unexpected and quite sweet;
2. We received our second engagement gift from L.D. and S.W. - Bulgari perfume - which we both adore (lets just say L.D. left her sweater at our place and she wears this perfume and we would periodically sniff the sweater for the month we had it at our place). Sweater sniffers no more, we now have our own bottle - thx L.D. and S.W.; and
3. G and D. O. have said they will have an engagement party for us. How incredibly sweet.

We didn't/don't expect engagement gifts, parties, nothing - we don't expect it and don't think about it. But it was/is awfully sweet that people thought of us.

Weddings are sweet events! And seeing as we hope this to be the last wedding for either of us, we want it to be wonderful!

So - "to do" lists in hand and checking our Martha Stewart checklist, I remain
Yours in Matrimony
Cupcake

Do-Over

Aside from my family, there will, I think, only be one person who is coming to the wedding as a do-over, and that is TP. We've known each other since we were 16 and he has been a dear friend ever since. The night before my first wedding, he called me and asked if I wanted to back out and assured me I could. Not sure if it was because he knew that he and the groom had something BIG in common - their uncommon sexual orientation, or if it was just because he was worried about me.

Anyway, I invited him and I hope he can make it.

For the Do-Over. Done right.

Yours in matrimony,
Cupcake