My brother got married two weeks ago! His wedding date, November 5, 2011, is six months before ours. Wow. I can't believe it. Six months to go. His wedding was beautiful and so much fun. They both seem so happy and we are incredibly happy for them. Their wedding was so joyous and I saw so many lovely people from my past and met such wonderful new people. It was an incredibly beautiful wedding. It really is joyous to see two people in love celebrate their union.
When I was younger and engaged, people used to say to me things like "just you wait til you are married" and "the first year will be the hardest". And it was hard, and they were right. Kate's dad and I split up a few times in the first year, and then got together, had her, and split when she was 2. Ouch for her - and I will always be sorry that I didn't give her two loving parents living togehter.
And then there is today. Heather and I have had a tough year with a lot of loss. Not nearly as much loss as many, and I am grateful for that. I lost my job of 11 years, a year ago, and with it my comfortable income. Because of that, we lost our houses in Newfoundland. We lost the old car (although it has a fantastic new owner) and lost a lot of connections, friends, traditions, mostly through losing a job. For a while we lost confidence, hope, faith.
But, we didn't lose each other. Even when it was touch and go, and the stress was almost too much to bear, we didn't lose each other. Even when we couldn't see our family in Winnipeg because we couldn't afford the plane ticket. Even when the only way we could afford gas to get to Peterborough was money slipped secretly into a bag by my mother (thank you mom), we didn't lose each other. Even when the only thing we could hold onto was that if we could make it, if we held on to faith and love and hope, we would be married and could enjoy each other for the rest of our lives, we didn't lose each other. Thank you SC, so very much for that.
For us, this time, being able to celebrate our union during the toughest year of our lives made us look so much more forward to celebrating it with friends and family on May 5, 2012.
And something remarkable happened this year. Or maybe it was happening all along, and we didn't notice. Somewhere along with the late rent payments and calls from creditors, when we were counting pennies to get gas money, and living with old holey shoes and many other indignities, Twinkie, Creampuff and I became a real family.
The loving unit I was never able to provide her as a child, arose from the ashes of my financial security and embraced us all. Creampuff, Twinkie, Lucky and I are the breath of what I live and strive for, they are who I work for and who I laugh for, and sing and dance for. This is life, this is love, this is living. I found it in the ashes of what I thought was success. How thin a veil is a big paycheque.
Now I'm not knocking a big paycheque - I'm all for big paycheques. But with my big paycheque gone, I thought I would be devastated. And I was. And in that devastation, grew the richest life I have ever imagined, and in that life I learned the real value of connection. The real value of love and family. The real value of sticking together against all odds. And I am so incredibly grateful and blessed and honoured to have such a beautiful family and such incredible friends. Such incredible chosen family.
Today, Twinkie and I found out that we finally have something concrete for our wedding. Instead of being married on a patch of grass beside a koi pond, we decided to get married in a church, our church. Twinkie is an atheist and Creampuff hasn't had much churching (again sorry Creampuff) but this church is our church and it is aligned with our values and beliefs and it accepts all people in love and serves all. It is a house of prayer for all people.
At 4:30 on May 5, Twinkie and I will begin the ceremony of our marriage at MCC Toronto. And part of that ceremony will be a ceremony to acknowledge the bond that Twinkie, Creampuff and I have forged. I will always be sorry that I couldn't give her two loving parents living together when she was young. And I will always be grateful that I can give her two loving, real, flawed parents in love, now.
Because the difference between being here and not here, is simply staying. Holding tight, striving for kindness, love and laughter, and waiting for the storms to pass. In my 40's I have learned to trust that the storms usually pass, and when they do, how much fun is it to still be able to laugh with the person holding your hand. If you just simply stay, and love. Through the tears and arguments, through the times of tedium and times of uproar. Through being wrong and being right. When you aren't your best self and even when you are. Because in my experience, the pendulum will swing back to what is in your heart - and if that is love, joy will return. I can't believe that I have found the love of my life in my 40's, and I really can't believe that I considered turning this all away because of our age difference.
May 5, 2012, here we come tumbling. (and loop de looping)
Hallelujah.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
October
Fall is in the air! All of a sudden the lights started going out earlier and earlier and now by 6:30 it is dark.
Since my September post, there has been some good news. Houses have been sold, houses have been purchased, deals have closed, lives can be rebuilt for some. Most of our friends now have jobs and paycheques, some have partners and the happiness they were craving. And we cannot be more grateful that all that has eased for our friends. For other of our friends, we must stay patient and hope that things will work out well soon. We have also just learned of friends on strike. As Rosanne Rosanna Danna used to say, it is always something.
I had a great interview in September, for a great job that would pay well. Haven't heard anything yet, but we will see. I also have - thanks again to wonderful friends - been referred to a few consulting gigs - one in particular that I absolutely love. So, despite being still technically unemployed, I am doing some things that I love, and can maybe refer other people to these jobs.
What a thing employment is. I used to bitch about my job and about having no time and being on call. I used to complain all the time about having no time. I had just started reading a book called something like "Why Am I so Busy All the Time", and then I wasn't. And then one day you land up on the outside, watching everyone else get their lunches and go off to work.
When I was really little, my older brother and I were inseparable. He started going to Kindergarten and I couldn't bear it when he left. So I would frequently sneak out follow him to school. This was back in the day of phone booths and we had one right outside the school. I would curl up in it until I was found or he finished school.
Not working is like that feeling.
We had a fantastic thanksgiving, and had Creampuff home for the weekend. It was beautiful weather and we even entertained a bit.
We even have started to think a bit about the wedding and starting to plan and dream a little.
But I must admit, November is looming. November 8th in particular - the date when it will be one full year since I have had a full-time job. Someone told me the other day that they really thought my little family and I had gotten through this admirably, and that is sweet and such a nice compliment.
And yet all the cogs of all the lives continue to turn and change and grow and you never really know what is around the corner. Maybe that is what is good about this anniversary date coming up - things are looking up - for us all!
And there is always the bite of a fresh juicy fall apple.
In reminiscence, gratitude, reflection and love
Cupcake
Since my September post, there has been some good news. Houses have been sold, houses have been purchased, deals have closed, lives can be rebuilt for some. Most of our friends now have jobs and paycheques, some have partners and the happiness they were craving. And we cannot be more grateful that all that has eased for our friends. For other of our friends, we must stay patient and hope that things will work out well soon. We have also just learned of friends on strike. As Rosanne Rosanna Danna used to say, it is always something.
I had a great interview in September, for a great job that would pay well. Haven't heard anything yet, but we will see. I also have - thanks again to wonderful friends - been referred to a few consulting gigs - one in particular that I absolutely love. So, despite being still technically unemployed, I am doing some things that I love, and can maybe refer other people to these jobs.
What a thing employment is. I used to bitch about my job and about having no time and being on call. I used to complain all the time about having no time. I had just started reading a book called something like "Why Am I so Busy All the Time", and then I wasn't. And then one day you land up on the outside, watching everyone else get their lunches and go off to work.
When I was really little, my older brother and I were inseparable. He started going to Kindergarten and I couldn't bear it when he left. So I would frequently sneak out follow him to school. This was back in the day of phone booths and we had one right outside the school. I would curl up in it until I was found or he finished school.
Not working is like that feeling.
We had a fantastic thanksgiving, and had Creampuff home for the weekend. It was beautiful weather and we even entertained a bit.
We even have started to think a bit about the wedding and starting to plan and dream a little.
But I must admit, November is looming. November 8th in particular - the date when it will be one full year since I have had a full-time job. Someone told me the other day that they really thought my little family and I had gotten through this admirably, and that is sweet and such a nice compliment.
And yet all the cogs of all the lives continue to turn and change and grow and you never really know what is around the corner. Maybe that is what is good about this anniversary date coming up - things are looking up - for us all!
And there is always the bite of a fresh juicy fall apple.
In reminiscence, gratitude, reflection and love
Cupcake
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Perseverance
How do we all continue to do it? Wait for good news? Hope for the best? How do we all carry on?
Almost everyone Twinkie and I know right now is waiting for good news, waiting for a breakthrough, waiting for something great to happen so that the future they want will come to them. And almost everyone we know is staying hopeful, energized, positive!
Creampuff had terrible subtenants, and they left her room a shambles and full of insects, and the back deck and kitchen the same. There are still remnants of their drug use all over all the flat surfaces left in the house. But Creampuff went in, looked around, and said - well, I guess I won't be taking a lot of this crap with me to my next apartment and proceeded to cart it all to the side of the road. Now, that is easy to say at 22, but not so easy for the rest of us.
What crap do we take from the past to the future can be determined for us by our experience, but we do have control of how the crap affects us.
I have been dreaming about my previous job for months and months. In my dreams, I am always on the outskirts, outside the door marked "Employees Only", outside the party, not allowed in the front door. In my dreams I am always sad and straining.
Last night, I dreamed that there was a party for previous employees and I was invited. Not to be part of the party or an employee, but to be a guest. To see from a removed position how the company had carried on without me in it. Aside from the incident with the fellow who stole my purse and the time I spent tracking him down and claiming all my stuff back, I had a pretty good time at the party. In my dreams.
Maybe I am ready to move on - which is good because this has been a long haul. Like everyone we know, we wake up and carry on with only faith to guide us to our best lives with our best selves.
And all of our dreams should come true - we are all dreaming for better lives for our families, additions to our families, providing for our families.
And we persevere. And what is interesting to me is that we also laugh and love and live and sing and play while we wait and hope. And our friends have been so incredibly supportive. And the laughter has been so incredibly buoying. It has been the worst of times and the best of times, and sometimes there has been steak!!!!
I feel that some of my friends are in a similar place. We have all had to look around at the stuff we carry with us, and for a lot of it, just say - this is as far as this stuff comes. I move forward with very little, but with what I can afford, love, have, use, keep, enjoy. And with that little, I now build my future.
This week, after 200+ resumes, many many hours of job searches and referrals, I have my first interview. I wonder if people were surprised when I announced it to everyone that I had an interview. I am so relieved and surprised and happy and energized - this means that my past can be seen, I can be seen. And I will tell you that a few months of unemployment can make you feel pretty invisible and immaterial. That too is baggage I plan to leave behind.
The interview is next week and I have no idea how I am going to be the incredible grown-up I said I was in my application. I have no idea how I will sit in the room with the interviewers and retain my composure. Our wonderful friends have all offered to help prep me - I have received pages of notes and info already. There will have to be a lot of meditating, when I arrive two hours early and sit sweating in the reception room. But like my daughter in her room, like my dreams, like most of our friends, maybe I just enter that room after saying goodbye to the junk, the stuff of the past and hello to different and exciting possibilities. And a paycheque, oh how I have missed thee, paycheque.
Wish me luck, wish us all luck,
with love and gratitude
yours in perseverance
Cupcake
Almost everyone Twinkie and I know right now is waiting for good news, waiting for a breakthrough, waiting for something great to happen so that the future they want will come to them. And almost everyone we know is staying hopeful, energized, positive!
Creampuff had terrible subtenants, and they left her room a shambles and full of insects, and the back deck and kitchen the same. There are still remnants of their drug use all over all the flat surfaces left in the house. But Creampuff went in, looked around, and said - well, I guess I won't be taking a lot of this crap with me to my next apartment and proceeded to cart it all to the side of the road. Now, that is easy to say at 22, but not so easy for the rest of us.
What crap do we take from the past to the future can be determined for us by our experience, but we do have control of how the crap affects us.
I have been dreaming about my previous job for months and months. In my dreams, I am always on the outskirts, outside the door marked "Employees Only", outside the party, not allowed in the front door. In my dreams I am always sad and straining.
Last night, I dreamed that there was a party for previous employees and I was invited. Not to be part of the party or an employee, but to be a guest. To see from a removed position how the company had carried on without me in it. Aside from the incident with the fellow who stole my purse and the time I spent tracking him down and claiming all my stuff back, I had a pretty good time at the party. In my dreams.
Maybe I am ready to move on - which is good because this has been a long haul. Like everyone we know, we wake up and carry on with only faith to guide us to our best lives with our best selves.
And all of our dreams should come true - we are all dreaming for better lives for our families, additions to our families, providing for our families.
And we persevere. And what is interesting to me is that we also laugh and love and live and sing and play while we wait and hope. And our friends have been so incredibly supportive. And the laughter has been so incredibly buoying. It has been the worst of times and the best of times, and sometimes there has been steak!!!!
I feel that some of my friends are in a similar place. We have all had to look around at the stuff we carry with us, and for a lot of it, just say - this is as far as this stuff comes. I move forward with very little, but with what I can afford, love, have, use, keep, enjoy. And with that little, I now build my future.
This week, after 200+ resumes, many many hours of job searches and referrals, I have my first interview. I wonder if people were surprised when I announced it to everyone that I had an interview. I am so relieved and surprised and happy and energized - this means that my past can be seen, I can be seen. And I will tell you that a few months of unemployment can make you feel pretty invisible and immaterial. That too is baggage I plan to leave behind.
The interview is next week and I have no idea how I am going to be the incredible grown-up I said I was in my application. I have no idea how I will sit in the room with the interviewers and retain my composure. Our wonderful friends have all offered to help prep me - I have received pages of notes and info already. There will have to be a lot of meditating, when I arrive two hours early and sit sweating in the reception room. But like my daughter in her room, like my dreams, like most of our friends, maybe I just enter that room after saying goodbye to the junk, the stuff of the past and hello to different and exciting possibilities. And a paycheque, oh how I have missed thee, paycheque.
Wish me luck, wish us all luck,
with love and gratitude
yours in perseverance
Cupcake
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Friend or Fiancee
So ... here's the thing. Twinkie is not my friend - well, that isn't true. She is my friend, but she is also my fiancee. In my family, there are two fiancees named the same name as Twinkie. Since Fiancee #2 is heterosexual, she is referred to as the family member's fiancee. My Twinkie is Fiancee #1 and yet, my family continues to refer to her as my "friend".
How on earth do you deal with that. We've brought it up, we've spoken about it, we've educated, and still --- "Friend".
In my lifetime, our rights have come so far, yet have so far to go to equality.
Twinkie is not only my friend, she is my partner, the love of my life, my inspiration, my breath, my song and my love ... and my fiancee.
Every time I hear her referred to as my "friend" a new baby gay is born - that is how I can deal with it!
Yours in solidarity and engagement and bliss,
Cupcake
How on earth do you deal with that. We've brought it up, we've spoken about it, we've educated, and still --- "Friend".
In my lifetime, our rights have come so far, yet have so far to go to equality.
Twinkie is not only my friend, she is my partner, the love of my life, my inspiration, my breath, my song and my love ... and my fiancee.
Every time I hear her referred to as my "friend" a new baby gay is born - that is how I can deal with it!
Yours in solidarity and engagement and bliss,
Cupcake
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
May 5, 2012 at Fantasy Farm!!!!!!
We are booked! One year of engagement and one to go! We are so excited and in shock and really looking forward to the planning and all that the next year has to bring us all! We have K.L. and S.C. standing up for us, L.C. as MC, C.O. as Wedding Planner, D.D. as our officiant, M.K. offered tonight to be the allergy-free caterer/bbqer for the 6 allergy-free people. We're thinking of having forsythia and pussywillow bouquets, and the venue has a great menu. The venue is quirky, funny and fun! The stained glass storybook figures put us off a little at first, but now we've embraced them as kitschy 70's! Tonight we got a look at how the room will look, what the ceremony will look like, and we are so excited! Thanks for being with us through the last year of planning and our false start, and thank you for continuing to be with us! Yours in matrimonial preparation, hope, love and family of all kinds :)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Inconvenient reality and May 5, 2012
Turns out, the Mayans believe the world is ending on May 12, 2012. So we don't have much time left here. At this rate, I may not write a bestselling novel nor get named as one of the richest women on the planet, but I can boast of having laughed more in the last 21 months, than ever before in my life, thanks to Twinkie. Which is quite a good thing because as it turns out, unemployment on its own isn't that funny.
Yes, Yes, I agree - better in the long run, when one door closes, the guillotine lands, etc. etc., it will all work out - and we will be in a position to make better and more fulfilling choices. Yes, it is all pointing in an excellent direction for the future.
But as for the present, we were to be married on June 18th, 2011 in Oakville. We even made magnets that are still on many people's fridges. We were looking forward to it, having fun planning it, enjoying all the management of the wedding and the stress and the excitement. But then we also started to enjoy the bills and the quotations. And that gave us pause. And then choice, and then when we were asked for more deposits, that gave us a hint and a nudge. And then we contempated the reality that we were going to have to postpone the Big Gay Nuptuals.
We are relieved and disappointed and are hoping to be away doing something fun on June 18th so that we can distract ourselves. But on the plus side, it gives us time to plan what we really want, and we would like help - because we aren't finding it!
We have picked the date of May 5, 2012 to be married in the afternoon. Our ideal spot would be in a barn - without the livestock preferably, and with mason jars filled with wildflowers (tough in May, I know, but girls can dream). We/I would like a barbecue or a casual meal and a fantastic dance party in the barn lit by twinkle lights - not too far from Toronto, or far enough that people can stay over.
So please put that date in your calendar, and help us find our barn for an excellent celebration of love and laughter! Also - after the wedding, there is only a week left of the world as we know it - so a good time to celebrate!
Yours in inconvenient reality and optimism and matrimonial planning,
Cupcake
Yes, Yes, I agree - better in the long run, when one door closes, the guillotine lands, etc. etc., it will all work out - and we will be in a position to make better and more fulfilling choices. Yes, it is all pointing in an excellent direction for the future.
But as for the present, we were to be married on June 18th, 2011 in Oakville. We even made magnets that are still on many people's fridges. We were looking forward to it, having fun planning it, enjoying all the management of the wedding and the stress and the excitement. But then we also started to enjoy the bills and the quotations. And that gave us pause. And then choice, and then when we were asked for more deposits, that gave us a hint and a nudge. And then we contempated the reality that we were going to have to postpone the Big Gay Nuptuals.
We are relieved and disappointed and are hoping to be away doing something fun on June 18th so that we can distract ourselves. But on the plus side, it gives us time to plan what we really want, and we would like help - because we aren't finding it!
We have picked the date of May 5, 2012 to be married in the afternoon. Our ideal spot would be in a barn - without the livestock preferably, and with mason jars filled with wildflowers (tough in May, I know, but girls can dream). We/I would like a barbecue or a casual meal and a fantastic dance party in the barn lit by twinkle lights - not too far from Toronto, or far enough that people can stay over.
So please put that date in your calendar, and help us find our barn for an excellent celebration of love and laughter! Also - after the wedding, there is only a week left of the world as we know it - so a good time to celebrate!
Yours in inconvenient reality and optimism and matrimonial planning,
Cupcake
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wordle Word Map of the Blog
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Pouting
I forgot to mention about the pouting and cancelling the wedding, and what saved us. So, after seeing the beautiful spots and having more than one unpleasant discussion about the reception and guest list, we decided, fine, we'll cancel or postpone. We'll have it somewhere else, some other date, another time.
But what about the magnets? What about the timing? What about my sister who is a busy Professor and travelling a lot? What about all the other people?
Over Christmas, we got really stressed about it.
Until KM wrote to us. A voice of reason in the murky muck.
She reminded us to think of why we wanted to do this in the first place. She reminded us to remember our vision and what we wanted. She reminded us that this is special and sacred and important to us, and that the people who love us will support us on our day, however it materializes.
And we realized she is right. And we probably didn't thank her enough for that. But she has reminded us of our deeper meaning, and reasons for this. So many of us are joined and healed and comforted and united in music. We want to hear each other's voices and share a meal and laughter and story and rejoice in the happiness that doesn't come every day or year or to us, decade.
So, thank you KM for being the voice that reminded us to stop thinking outside and think inside, from love. Love for each other, our friends, family, community and for song and voice and laughter.
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
But what about the magnets? What about the timing? What about my sister who is a busy Professor and travelling a lot? What about all the other people?
Over Christmas, we got really stressed about it.
Until KM wrote to us. A voice of reason in the murky muck.
She reminded us to think of why we wanted to do this in the first place. She reminded us to remember our vision and what we wanted. She reminded us that this is special and sacred and important to us, and that the people who love us will support us on our day, however it materializes.
And we realized she is right. And we probably didn't thank her enough for that. But she has reminded us of our deeper meaning, and reasons for this. So many of us are joined and healed and comforted and united in music. We want to hear each other's voices and share a meal and laughter and story and rejoice in the happiness that doesn't come every day or year or to us, decade.
So, thank you KM for being the voice that reminded us to stop thinking outside and think inside, from love. Love for each other, our friends, family, community and for song and voice and laughter.
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
Friday, January 14, 2011
CO is amazing!
Over the Christmas holidays, one of our relatives, CO, offered to help us with our wedding planning. We've been confused, astonished, mixed up and overwhelmed! So CO stepped in over the Christmas holidays to give us some company, options and ideas.
We visited our existing venue, and talked about our guest list, looked at the venue again, and then got astonished. What we do know is that 120 people cannot be seated for a sit down meal at our existing venue. So we went looking for a space that could accommodate our guests. Shockingly, we found two.
One was about 10 minutes away, in the middle of Mississauga. Glenerin Inn. It is gorgeous. When we arrived at the reception area, we could see, close to the window, four deer grazing. We were in love. Then the wonderful event planner there told us the price - something like $119/person. We were in imaginary-land. But also hooked.
We figured, we calculated, we planned, we imagined. There were so many things perfect about this venue.
Except for the fact that we would have to pay for it.
Granted, we would be getting a lot for our money. But until I have a full time job again, we are only 1/2 an income.
We were still in love with the deer and the venue. But we realized that we might not be able to have our wedding at the Glenerin Inn.
Not one to be daunted, CO took Twinkie to another venue. A bland, run of the mill event hall. It was good, they would be nut-free, it had parking, they would organize everything. We wouldn't have to worry.
It was also good - and the price was better $86/person. But the room had a stunning view of the parking lot. Would that matter?
We tried to talk about how it was not about the view, it was not about the venue, it was about us. And then we tried to talk about the price.
Somewhere within us came up again our real dream. We want to get married in an outdoorsy setting - with wildflowers in mason jars, simplicity, people being comfortable and a casual atmosphere.
So, we are not going to be hosting our wedding at either of the other two venues. We aren't really talking about it yet - and aren't really planning, yet. It was pretty disappointing realizing that we couldn't just purchase a wedding off the rack and then just show up and have it all smoothly unfold.
And shhhhh don't tell Twinkie, but I think someday soon we are going to start talking again about our dream wedding.
Because what is important to me is to celebrate the love I have found, and the family we have created for me, for Twinkie and for Creampuff, as well as the rest of our families. My deeply held belief is that life can be pretty hard, and every new committed love relationship should be launched with the support and encouragement of family and friends and community. And I am so proud and honoured to declare our new family and to acknowledge connection to our friends and family.
And to do that, we will have to face some realities. The guest list will have to be pared down. We want all the single people to be able to bring a guest - and that number, coincidentally, is the number of people by which we have to cut the guest list. Can we cut in other areas? Realities. Twinkie and I have to do that hard work. We want everyone to be there, but we can't have everyone there. **sigh**. And once we get the guts to manage that - then we can move forward in joy.
CO is amazing - he is going to be a spectacular event planner - he already is such an amazing fellow. We have ordered him business cards to help him getting other clients.
I'm just putting it out there - I want a barbecue. And Twinkie wants a dance and a party. And we want the friends to sing who want to sing. And we want music and joy and community and for everyone to have a great time. I want our wedding to be a celebration, a bringing together, a recommitment and a great party.
And thank you CO, from our hearts, you are amazing and lovely and fantastic and so good to help us out. We only hope we can repay you. And we also hope you are ready for this challenge. The BBQ dance party in the refurbished barn in Oakville.
153 days to go ....
Hallelujah...
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
We visited our existing venue, and talked about our guest list, looked at the venue again, and then got astonished. What we do know is that 120 people cannot be seated for a sit down meal at our existing venue. So we went looking for a space that could accommodate our guests. Shockingly, we found two.
One was about 10 minutes away, in the middle of Mississauga. Glenerin Inn. It is gorgeous. When we arrived at the reception area, we could see, close to the window, four deer grazing. We were in love. Then the wonderful event planner there told us the price - something like $119/person. We were in imaginary-land. But also hooked.
We figured, we calculated, we planned, we imagined. There were so many things perfect about this venue.
Except for the fact that we would have to pay for it.
Granted, we would be getting a lot for our money. But until I have a full time job again, we are only 1/2 an income.
We were still in love with the deer and the venue. But we realized that we might not be able to have our wedding at the Glenerin Inn.
Not one to be daunted, CO took Twinkie to another venue. A bland, run of the mill event hall. It was good, they would be nut-free, it had parking, they would organize everything. We wouldn't have to worry.
It was also good - and the price was better $86/person. But the room had a stunning view of the parking lot. Would that matter?
We tried to talk about how it was not about the view, it was not about the venue, it was about us. And then we tried to talk about the price.
Somewhere within us came up again our real dream. We want to get married in an outdoorsy setting - with wildflowers in mason jars, simplicity, people being comfortable and a casual atmosphere.
So, we are not going to be hosting our wedding at either of the other two venues. We aren't really talking about it yet - and aren't really planning, yet. It was pretty disappointing realizing that we couldn't just purchase a wedding off the rack and then just show up and have it all smoothly unfold.
And shhhhh don't tell Twinkie, but I think someday soon we are going to start talking again about our dream wedding.
Because what is important to me is to celebrate the love I have found, and the family we have created for me, for Twinkie and for Creampuff, as well as the rest of our families. My deeply held belief is that life can be pretty hard, and every new committed love relationship should be launched with the support and encouragement of family and friends and community. And I am so proud and honoured to declare our new family and to acknowledge connection to our friends and family.
And to do that, we will have to face some realities. The guest list will have to be pared down. We want all the single people to be able to bring a guest - and that number, coincidentally, is the number of people by which we have to cut the guest list. Can we cut in other areas? Realities. Twinkie and I have to do that hard work. We want everyone to be there, but we can't have everyone there. **sigh**. And once we get the guts to manage that - then we can move forward in joy.
CO is amazing - he is going to be a spectacular event planner - he already is such an amazing fellow. We have ordered him business cards to help him getting other clients.
I'm just putting it out there - I want a barbecue. And Twinkie wants a dance and a party. And we want the friends to sing who want to sing. And we want music and joy and community and for everyone to have a great time. I want our wedding to be a celebration, a bringing together, a recommitment and a great party.
And thank you CO, from our hearts, you are amazing and lovely and fantastic and so good to help us out. We only hope we can repay you. And we also hope you are ready for this challenge. The BBQ dance party in the refurbished barn in Oakville.
153 days to go ....
Hallelujah...
Yours in matrimony
Cupcake
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