Nothing says I love you more than a frank discussion about the wedding guest list. Having your beloved confront you with the brutal reality that your dentist, although a vital part of your oral health, does not merit a place at the family wedding table, despite his prowess with a drill - is not exactly flowers and candle worthy. Or is it.
This shit is hard. And I am grateful for all of it. Will probably have to change dentists.
Yours in harmony and matrimony
Cupcake
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Our wedding and the real one.
Wedding planning is strange and wonderful, and the ways that people react to weddings are strange and wonderful. The way that people react to gay weddings can be really different. Even people who would swear up and down that they aren't homophobic and swear up and down that they believe in equality. They can be the people who think that gay marriage is quaint or something that should be done in the store window of the Bay at Christmas, by perfectly dressed mannequins, or at Wonderland in a booth, with a painted face.
Fair enough. But what is equality if it isn't really equal. If straight marriage is celebrated with tradition and gay marriage is celebrated with binoculars and a telephoto lens, what does that mean? Can you be a spectacle and also just yourself, in love and celebration.
The reason this all comes up for me is that there is another person biologically close to me that is also getting married. Doing it traditionally, with both sexes represented. And in my biological pool, there are key people who are reacting really differently to each scenario.
And it really surprises me. I don't know why - maybe because Twinkie and I are just so grateful and happy and can't believe our luck - we can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to come and eat a meal and toast our happiness. Celebrate.
I am working to be okay with that. ALL the people who love us and are friends and family - whether blood family or chosen, support us and want to celebrate, or pretend to :). Yet there are some who claim to support and yet refuse to acknowledge.
Maybe it is different because it means so much to me now, for my second wedding, and there are some close blood relatives who really would prefer not to discuss it. So, in reaction to that, I must say, I get gayer. Yes, gayer - the last time this happened was two days ago. When one of our beautiful supporters lauded us and celebrated us, a close relative poohh-poohed the celebration and said, there are a lot of things happening next year. I felt like I had been slapped, so I got gayer and gave Twinkie a big smooch. In front of a lot of people who could donate a kidney to me. At a dinner table. At someone else's birthday party. And in front of a ton of people who will be going to both weddings next year - ours and the real one.
Twinkie and I are so incredibly blessed with beautiful friends and family and chosen family - when these things happen it just makes you realize and be even more grateful for the world we have fought to live in and the freedom we have to marry - even if the climate in which to marry isn't yet perfect, we are all carving out the traditions.
I used to tell people that if I ever considered marrying again, I would do it in full drag style, with drag queens as bride's maids and just really pull all the stereotypes. So I guess I grew away from that. Such a journey, this wedding year.
Each day and revelation and coming out as an engaged lesbian brings up people's thoughts and views and prejudices and also inexperience for the most part. In fairness, many of the people who are coming to our shindig have never been to a gay wedding, and in our spirit of living openly, we chose to make sure to have as many as we could invite to expand people's ideas of normal - not that Twinkie and I fall into the category of normal :), but hopefully our wedding will expand others' views.
Maybe Twinkie and I WILL get married in the store window at the Bay :) - it would be air conditioned and there would be room for all the guests!
Will put that to our wedding saviour C.O. for his perusal.
Yours in gay matrimony
Cupcake
Fair enough. But what is equality if it isn't really equal. If straight marriage is celebrated with tradition and gay marriage is celebrated with binoculars and a telephoto lens, what does that mean? Can you be a spectacle and also just yourself, in love and celebration.
The reason this all comes up for me is that there is another person biologically close to me that is also getting married. Doing it traditionally, with both sexes represented. And in my biological pool, there are key people who are reacting really differently to each scenario.
And it really surprises me. I don't know why - maybe because Twinkie and I are just so grateful and happy and can't believe our luck - we can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to come and eat a meal and toast our happiness. Celebrate.
I am working to be okay with that. ALL the people who love us and are friends and family - whether blood family or chosen, support us and want to celebrate, or pretend to :). Yet there are some who claim to support and yet refuse to acknowledge.
Maybe it is different because it means so much to me now, for my second wedding, and there are some close blood relatives who really would prefer not to discuss it. So, in reaction to that, I must say, I get gayer. Yes, gayer - the last time this happened was two days ago. When one of our beautiful supporters lauded us and celebrated us, a close relative poohh-poohed the celebration and said, there are a lot of things happening next year. I felt like I had been slapped, so I got gayer and gave Twinkie a big smooch. In front of a lot of people who could donate a kidney to me. At a dinner table. At someone else's birthday party. And in front of a ton of people who will be going to both weddings next year - ours and the real one.
Twinkie and I are so incredibly blessed with beautiful friends and family and chosen family - when these things happen it just makes you realize and be even more grateful for the world we have fought to live in and the freedom we have to marry - even if the climate in which to marry isn't yet perfect, we are all carving out the traditions.
I used to tell people that if I ever considered marrying again, I would do it in full drag style, with drag queens as bride's maids and just really pull all the stereotypes. So I guess I grew away from that. Such a journey, this wedding year.
Each day and revelation and coming out as an engaged lesbian brings up people's thoughts and views and prejudices and also inexperience for the most part. In fairness, many of the people who are coming to our shindig have never been to a gay wedding, and in our spirit of living openly, we chose to make sure to have as many as we could invite to expand people's ideas of normal - not that Twinkie and I fall into the category of normal :), but hopefully our wedding will expand others' views.
Maybe Twinkie and I WILL get married in the store window at the Bay :) - it would be air conditioned and there would be room for all the guests!
Will put that to our wedding saviour C.O. for his perusal.
Yours in gay matrimony
Cupcake
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Beyond our Control! No change so far!
So, called to confirm the booking at the new location - after we had celebrated last night.
When we spoke with the guy this morning, he told us he was mistaken, that day is NOT available.
So, back to square one. **sigh**
Beautiful location, but our guest list is too big!
What to do ...
Yours in matrimony and confusion
Cupcake
When we spoke with the guy this morning, he told us he was mistaken, that day is NOT available.
So, back to square one. **sigh**
Beautiful location, but our guest list is too big!
What to do ...
Yours in matrimony and confusion
Cupcake
Friday, December 17, 2010
Six Months to Go! Why not change EVERYTHING!
So ... we have six months to go - and have been working this week on getting a dj, organizing catering, etc. etc. - what a scheduling nightmare. Also, our guestlist ... when we met with Joshua Creek, she told us that the venue could seat 80 people somewhat comfortably inside. At the time, we felt we could be heartless about the guestlist. Turns out, we were wrong. We cannot be heartless about the guestlist. We are at 100 people, and suspect we will reach 110. And it turns out, we no longer can fit at the Joshua Creek venue. So, do we cut people, or do we move the wedding. We were really looking forward to both a dance and also a singalong by the firepit. Which we will have to forego, sadly. But there can still be singing.
So, Twinkie and I ... calmly and rationally (???) discussed the matter of the guestlist and what was to be done. After everyone had time on the naughty chair and then came back to the room, we then decided to research alternatives. And we found one. We called and talked to him and followed him on the QEW to the new potential venue. I'm sure he was listening to music or news in his car. In our car, I was listening to an endless stream of profanity commenting on the potential venue and how much fun we were having. Etc. We arrived safely, and Twinkie informed me that she would politely check out the venue, but she would NEVER have a reception there.
Turns out, she would. It was a great venue, completely different from the other place and way too fancy for us. But reasonably priced, and the best thing is - they will take care of almost everything. And the food looks great and they'll make it nut-free too. PLUS we can have an open bar. For 8 hours. And he said they even make caesars. AND shuttle us back to the hotel across the highway. And by us, I mean anyone who is staying there - and I assume, once people hear about the open bar, there will be lots of sleepovers planned.
Here is a link to the venue so you can see how gorgeous it is:
http://tours.ilookabout.com/tourserver.dll?ID=C500A18B3BAF5BEE&SceneNum=3&ViewWidth=600&ViewHeight=400&ProfileID=BCC&Quality=MED&ImageSize=LARGE&Format=JAVA3&Lang=EN
and here is the hotel across the hotel:
http://homewoodsuites1.hilton.com/en_US/hw/hotel/ONTBUHW-Homewood-Suites-by-Hilton-Burlington-Ontario/accommodations.do
Who knew - lets hope we can book it and all goes well!
Yours in matrimony!
Cupcake
So, Twinkie and I ... calmly and rationally (???) discussed the matter of the guestlist and what was to be done. After everyone had time on the naughty chair and then came back to the room, we then decided to research alternatives. And we found one. We called and talked to him and followed him on the QEW to the new potential venue. I'm sure he was listening to music or news in his car. In our car, I was listening to an endless stream of profanity commenting on the potential venue and how much fun we were having. Etc. We arrived safely, and Twinkie informed me that she would politely check out the venue, but she would NEVER have a reception there.
Turns out, she would. It was a great venue, completely different from the other place and way too fancy for us. But reasonably priced, and the best thing is - they will take care of almost everything. And the food looks great and they'll make it nut-free too. PLUS we can have an open bar. For 8 hours. And he said they even make caesars. AND shuttle us back to the hotel across the highway. And by us, I mean anyone who is staying there - and I assume, once people hear about the open bar, there will be lots of sleepovers planned.
Here is a link to the venue so you can see how gorgeous it is:
http://tours.ilookabout.com/tourserver.dll?ID=C500A18B3BAF5BEE&SceneNum=3&ViewWidth=600&ViewHeight=400&ProfileID=BCC&Quality=MED&ImageSize=LARGE&Format=JAVA3&Lang=EN
and here is the hotel across the hotel:
http://homewoodsuites1.hilton.com/en_US/hw/hotel/ONTBUHW-Homewood-Suites-by-Hilton-Burlington-Ontario/accommodations.do
Who knew - lets hope we can book it and all goes well!
Yours in matrimony!
Cupcake
Monday, December 13, 2010
Martha Stewart's Scorecard
According to the online Martha Stewart wedding checklist scorecard, we have completed 6 out of 118 tasks, and have 27 overdue tasks.
Of course we do.
6 months, 5 days to go
or 187 days
or 4,488 hours!
yikes.
Yours in matrimonial planning
Cupcake
Of course we do.
6 months, 5 days to go
or 187 days
or 4,488 hours!
yikes.
Yours in matrimonial planning
Cupcake
Friday, December 3, 2010
Glad No Matter What - Sark's new book
Glad No Matter What - Sark's new book
Have been reading Sark's (http://www.planetsark.com/) new book tonight, about navigating the feelings around losses in your life. I think every gift or change is both a loss and a gift. Have been thinking about this because of losing my job and how that loss has felt, and other losses this year.
Before Twinkie, I retreated a lot. From life, from events, from people. Lived alone when Creampuff was at school. Kept my schedule pretty open. Took my time, took time to myself. Which was very different than the way I had lived in my previous house. Our lives were filled with friends and parties and art and music and dinners and laughter and meals. Filled. Then we moved and it took a while to start filling my life with laughter and love again. Until Twinkie opened my life up like a Volcano, Tornado, Hurricane of love and joy and laughter and life and openness!
Twinkie and I are 18 years apart in age. Some people wonder about how that works and what we see in each other. When M.W. saw us together, he thought we were sisters. Probably a lie to save my vanity, but sweet.
There are people - monumental people in your life who change it in ways that are pivotal. T.S. was the first person who really believed in me and I loved him tremendously and still do and I cherish him and his input in my life. T.W. was also one of the greatest loves of my life, and his support and impact on my life is so great that he and I wear matching rings. Met F.P. in 1991 and that changed my life and we still meet and laugh and heal. T.P. is a great love of both mine and Creampuff's life and we have loved him for a long time and love his support. D.F. has been an ally and supportive and loving and family in all of my lives. B.W. is a new friend and wonderful. All of these beautiful men believed in me, believed in my writing and my art, more than I had ever believed in myself. All of these men shared great laughter, wit, music, art, poetry and sometimes dance clubs with me, and we had and have great joy together.
But I hadn't experienced that joy in my home life.
When I met Twinkie, in September, 2008, at choir, I was either on a break or coming off a break with a woman I had been dating. Twinkie was a lot of fun and soon I saw lots of people that I knew befriending her on facebook. I was intrigued. I didn't have any interest in her romantically - just wouldn't have considered it - because of the age difference. Was also fairly caught up in my own dating and when I got to know her a bit, she had a partner.
In December, I think, I made some overture by kicking her chair and making a joke of it. Soon after that we became facebook friends. I watched her with admiration as she and S.C. became good friends and I secretly giggled at their animated conversations. In the winter, we had a few conversations - I was trying to encourage her to carefully consider her life decisions and to know she had choices. In March she sent me an email letting me know that she thought I looked nice that night at choir. I was struck by that. We spoke more.
In April of that year, I went on a retreat - kind of an Outward Bound thing. We had to climb a telephone pole and walk across a wire 40 feet in the air, hanging forward at a 45 degree angle. Taking that plunge and risking wholeheartedly that either the people holding the ropes will keep you safe, or you will plunge and committing body, mind and soul to walking across that wire, fully present, was really pivotal for me. I thought afterwards, if I could shift and be present and unafraid in a pretty scary and unusual situation - could I maybe risk other things?
That spring, Twinkie and I grew closer. Determined to be just friends, we still spent hours and hours talking and laughing. Building a foundation. In June of that year, at our concert, Twinkie hugged me, and I felt her arms around me for weeks afterwards. Magical, mystical, Sweet, Terrifying. In a few weeks, the world shook us like dice in a cup and both of our worlds were turned upside down. But we still had each other.
By August of that year, we were living together. Not something either of us had done so quickly before, and not something either of us wanted to avoid, we chose to rush into things, wholly. Took a long time for people to get used to us - everything was so fast. But we never looked back. It is late and I couldn't do the rest of the progression justice, but suffice it to say, that had I not found my courage walking across that wire, I might not have had the open heart and courage to embrace what felt like it would be such an incredible love.
And it has been. My life, which had been telescoping into my daughter, my dog, my job, my family, my house, chores, friends, exploded when Twinkie and I fell in love. I came alive again and found out what it meant to truly create a union with another soul in love and joy. We agreed when we got together to be truthful and honourable and that is the greatest gift and so painful, but so worth it. Our lives expanded and we have wonderful friends and chosen family and laughter and joy and sorrow and support. And we both have someone who loves us completely.
What I get from Twinkie is such a miracle to me. She is an incredible woman who has triumphed over all of the challenges in her life, to become who she is today. She taught me how to open my life up again to possibilities. She taught me to say yes. She asked me why. And why not. And what for. She taught me how to really, heartily, belly laugh out the pain and sadness and we practice this daily. She reminded me to value myself, reminded me who I am, how I am in the world. She has taught me integrity - she will lie to no one and she will lie for no one. She will not lie for me. Unpleasant when I am cooking. But I am so grateful for her.
Twinkie has taught me how to open up my scarred heart and trust and love wholly, and has returned my love and trust and heart, wholly. I have waited my whole life for a partner like this - someone I wake up with every day in gratitude. I am so proud of the life we have created - so proud of how we have supported Creampuff together and each of us alone, how she calls us her parents. So proud of our community, our friends, our family, our chosen family. Personally, I am so proud and grateful to experience this much resonating love. I am surrounded.
Which is why, I think, that I haven't "taken to my bed" after this career blow. I'm not unaffected, at all. I'm definitely affected, but I'm also okay. It is sad, heart-wrenching, painful, disturbing, terrifying, but so far, I'm okay. I haven't retreated, didn't go catatonic. Didn't start smoking again. And I think that is because of the way I now live - present in my full life, not just present in myself. And because of the unbelievable gift of being loved and enjoyed, wholly and unconditionally. By Twinkie, by Creampuff, by my friends, by my family, by my chosen family.
Not entirely sure how this new career path will progress, but I'm staying awake and alive in it. And I'm remembering, laughingly, with Twinkie, daily that I do not have a job. I'm remembering to be exactly where I am - and remarkably my dark circles under my eyes are forgetting where they used to be.
Glad no matter what. Beautiful aspiration. Not entirely there yet. But I'm glad I didn't retreat, glad I didn't give up joy because of a career blow.
Yours in Unemployment
Cupcake 11/28/10 by Cupcake Delete
Have been reading Sark's (http://www.planetsark.com/) new book tonight, about navigating the feelings around losses in your life. I think every gift or change is both a loss and a gift. Have been thinking about this because of losing my job and how that loss has felt, and other losses this year.
Before Twinkie, I retreated a lot. From life, from events, from people. Lived alone when Creampuff was at school. Kept my schedule pretty open. Took my time, took time to myself. Which was very different than the way I had lived in my previous house. Our lives were filled with friends and parties and art and music and dinners and laughter and meals. Filled. Then we moved and it took a while to start filling my life with laughter and love again. Until Twinkie opened my life up like a Volcano, Tornado, Hurricane of love and joy and laughter and life and openness!
Twinkie and I are 18 years apart in age. Some people wonder about how that works and what we see in each other. When M.W. saw us together, he thought we were sisters. Probably a lie to save my vanity, but sweet.
There are people - monumental people in your life who change it in ways that are pivotal. T.S. was the first person who really believed in me and I loved him tremendously and still do and I cherish him and his input in my life. T.W. was also one of the greatest loves of my life, and his support and impact on my life is so great that he and I wear matching rings. Met F.P. in 1991 and that changed my life and we still meet and laugh and heal. T.P. is a great love of both mine and Creampuff's life and we have loved him for a long time and love his support. D.F. has been an ally and supportive and loving and family in all of my lives. B.W. is a new friend and wonderful. All of these beautiful men believed in me, believed in my writing and my art, more than I had ever believed in myself. All of these men shared great laughter, wit, music, art, poetry and sometimes dance clubs with me, and we had and have great joy together.
But I hadn't experienced that joy in my home life.
When I met Twinkie, in September, 2008, at choir, I was either on a break or coming off a break with a woman I had been dating. Twinkie was a lot of fun and soon I saw lots of people that I knew befriending her on facebook. I was intrigued. I didn't have any interest in her romantically - just wouldn't have considered it - because of the age difference. Was also fairly caught up in my own dating and when I got to know her a bit, she had a partner.
In December, I think, I made some overture by kicking her chair and making a joke of it. Soon after that we became facebook friends. I watched her with admiration as she and S.C. became good friends and I secretly giggled at their animated conversations. In the winter, we had a few conversations - I was trying to encourage her to carefully consider her life decisions and to know she had choices. In March she sent me an email letting me know that she thought I looked nice that night at choir. I was struck by that. We spoke more.
In April of that year, I went on a retreat - kind of an Outward Bound thing. We had to climb a telephone pole and walk across a wire 40 feet in the air, hanging forward at a 45 degree angle. Taking that plunge and risking wholeheartedly that either the people holding the ropes will keep you safe, or you will plunge and committing body, mind and soul to walking across that wire, fully present, was really pivotal for me. I thought afterwards, if I could shift and be present and unafraid in a pretty scary and unusual situation - could I maybe risk other things?
That spring, Twinkie and I grew closer. Determined to be just friends, we still spent hours and hours talking and laughing. Building a foundation. In June of that year, at our concert, Twinkie hugged me, and I felt her arms around me for weeks afterwards. Magical, mystical, Sweet, Terrifying. In a few weeks, the world shook us like dice in a cup and both of our worlds were turned upside down. But we still had each other.
By August of that year, we were living together. Not something either of us had done so quickly before, and not something either of us wanted to avoid, we chose to rush into things, wholly. Took a long time for people to get used to us - everything was so fast. But we never looked back. It is late and I couldn't do the rest of the progression justice, but suffice it to say, that had I not found my courage walking across that wire, I might not have had the open heart and courage to embrace what felt like it would be such an incredible love.
And it has been. My life, which had been telescoping into my daughter, my dog, my job, my family, my house, chores, friends, exploded when Twinkie and I fell in love. I came alive again and found out what it meant to truly create a union with another soul in love and joy. We agreed when we got together to be truthful and honourable and that is the greatest gift and so painful, but so worth it. Our lives expanded and we have wonderful friends and chosen family and laughter and joy and sorrow and support. And we both have someone who loves us completely.
What I get from Twinkie is such a miracle to me. She is an incredible woman who has triumphed over all of the challenges in her life, to become who she is today. She taught me how to open my life up again to possibilities. She taught me to say yes. She asked me why. And why not. And what for. She taught me how to really, heartily, belly laugh out the pain and sadness and we practice this daily. She reminded me to value myself, reminded me who I am, how I am in the world. She has taught me integrity - she will lie to no one and she will lie for no one. She will not lie for me. Unpleasant when I am cooking. But I am so grateful for her.
Twinkie has taught me how to open up my scarred heart and trust and love wholly, and has returned my love and trust and heart, wholly. I have waited my whole life for a partner like this - someone I wake up with every day in gratitude. I am so proud of the life we have created - so proud of how we have supported Creampuff together and each of us alone, how she calls us her parents. So proud of our community, our friends, our family, our chosen family. Personally, I am so proud and grateful to experience this much resonating love. I am surrounded.
Which is why, I think, that I haven't "taken to my bed" after this career blow. I'm not unaffected, at all. I'm definitely affected, but I'm also okay. It is sad, heart-wrenching, painful, disturbing, terrifying, but so far, I'm okay. I haven't retreated, didn't go catatonic. Didn't start smoking again. And I think that is because of the way I now live - present in my full life, not just present in myself. And because of the unbelievable gift of being loved and enjoyed, wholly and unconditionally. By Twinkie, by Creampuff, by my friends, by my family, by my chosen family.
Not entirely sure how this new career path will progress, but I'm staying awake and alive in it. And I'm remembering, laughingly, with Twinkie, daily that I do not have a job. I'm remembering to be exactly where I am - and remarkably my dark circles under my eyes are forgetting where they used to be.
Glad no matter what. Beautiful aspiration. Not entirely there yet. But I'm glad I didn't retreat, glad I didn't give up joy because of a career blow.
Yours in Unemployment
Cupcake 11/28/10 by Cupcake Delete
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Help is on the way!
So, we've been a little distracted, with me losing my job. Haven't exactly been keeping up with Martha Stewart's deadlines. At all. We think that help is on the way! On Sat. night, we were talking with C.O. - one of our favourite people who also is enrolled in Chef School at George Brown. Twinkie had been suggesting that we ask him to help and I was reluctant - he is our step-phew and I thought he should enjoy the night, instead of work the night. But he was totally into the wedding and the venue and he is super organized. He wants to help and we want to hire him. So ... we could get back on track sooner than we thought. HURRAY. Will keep you posted !
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Making a sign that reads "Just Fired" and hanging it with tin cans on the back of the car!
Wow. What a wrench in the works. Got fired last week. Escorted off the premises. Not exactly a wedding-y event, nor particularly romantic. There wasn't a lace wrapped piece of cake to be found anywhere.
Went into the office on Monday, having a good idea that I would be fired. On the way in to work, as I shook in the car, I thought of all the love in my life, all the people who support me, all the ways I am connected in beautiful community. And in my mind, as I got out of the car, I got tremendous strength by linking arms with all the beautiful strong people I know, starting with Twinkie on one side and Creampuff on the other, building and building a long arm-linked chain, and with the strength of everyone, I faced being fired. I thank you all.
Yikes. Once you start recording bits and pieces of a year, you realize all the things that happen over the course of a year. And for me, getting fired is one of them.
Today, when I was driving home from my lunch date with T.S., I saw a car and thought about those tin cans behind a newlywed's car, and wondered if it would be appropriate to decorate my car to celebrate just being fired. Obviously not.
Twinkie's papa is also very sick in hospital. We hope he gets much better soon. We invited him to the wedding while we were in the hospital.
Twinkie has been my rock for the last week and a bit during this ... change in circumstance. Can't imagine what it would be like to go through this riding my own crazy without a referee. Universe willing, this will all get settled this week.
Then, I'll get a new job and we will continue planning!
Must check in with Martha and see how many deadlines we have missed!
Yours in matrimony,
Cupcake
Went into the office on Monday, having a good idea that I would be fired. On the way in to work, as I shook in the car, I thought of all the love in my life, all the people who support me, all the ways I am connected in beautiful community. And in my mind, as I got out of the car, I got tremendous strength by linking arms with all the beautiful strong people I know, starting with Twinkie on one side and Creampuff on the other, building and building a long arm-linked chain, and with the strength of everyone, I faced being fired. I thank you all.
Yikes. Once you start recording bits and pieces of a year, you realize all the things that happen over the course of a year. And for me, getting fired is one of them.
Today, when I was driving home from my lunch date with T.S., I saw a car and thought about those tin cans behind a newlywed's car, and wondered if it would be appropriate to decorate my car to celebrate just being fired. Obviously not.
Twinkie's papa is also very sick in hospital. We hope he gets much better soon. We invited him to the wedding while we were in the hospital.
Twinkie has been my rock for the last week and a bit during this ... change in circumstance. Can't imagine what it would be like to go through this riding my own crazy without a referee. Universe willing, this will all get settled this week.
Then, I'll get a new job and we will continue planning!
Must check in with Martha and see how many deadlines we have missed!
Yours in matrimony,
Cupcake
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Decisions!!!
229 days! And we are still waffling on the type of dinner, guest list, etc. etc. We'd change the venue too if we didn't have the magnets printed up. Holy Moly. The thing is - we want our friends and family to be there for a dinner, a party, a memory and at the end, all our incredible marvellously talented musicians to gather and play music. We aren't committed to a served meal, but we couldn't figure out what we might like. Last night, on the way home from S.L-W and D.'s house, we think we may have made a decision - note the certainty. We think that we will have a buffet - barbecued shish kebabs, fresh salads, scallopped potatoes, yummy stuff for the vegetarians, etc. That will involve people lining up and possibly spilling, but we think it will be wonderful. We should also check in with the owner of the venue and see if she might be ready for us to sign a contract ... Halloween tonight. I was a nurse at work, but a humbug at home and turned the lights off and blocked the stairs. Turns out Twinkie is a Halloween nut and I looked at her facebook pictures from back in the day pre-Cupcake and she sure is/was a Halloween nut. So next year, no blocking the stairs - I will dress up like a drag king and decorate. And I will be happy doing it. Have to go to the Martha Stewart site we signed up for and figure out how incredibly deliquent we truly are at planning the shindig. But one thing remains, every single day I am so grateful to be so blessed with a love like the one I share with Twinkie. Shishkebabs or hotdogs, I am the luckiest woman in the world to hold her hand and heart. Happy Halloween.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thanksgiving - How does it all co-exist?
A week ago, we lost a dear beloved friend. She was a friend, a loving partner, a role model, a sister, a matriarch, a pillar, a daughter, a fighter, a virago in the archaic beautiful meaning of strong warrior woman. We would have been so proud to have her at the wedding. Her spirit will be there.
Many of the choir members were together when we heard the news - we were together on Toronto Island for a retreat. It was heartwarming to have each other to hold and cry with. So sad. And also so wonderful to be there together.
And I am so grateful to have known her.
And I am so conflicted - the mourning must minimize and life must go on. We have to continue planning life, things must go on and I'm astonished.
How does it all keep going on when something monumental has occurred? They say life is for the living - but in a way, we are now living for and with you, too Paula. So we dry our tears and get up and move on. With those we love and who have passed held dearly in our hearts and spirits.
And we celebrate you, Paula. Last year when a woman I barely knew died, and when Brent at MCC talked about honouring our body in our actions, I knew it was time to honour my life and those I love by quitting smoking. Now I look at my actions and my life and I think - I bet Paula would have given everything for another day, week, month, year with Judith. And we would all have given so much for more time with them both. So i'm trying to really be present and live my time and love my best and be my best self - make and keep time for the people I love - the things I love.
And that includes getting back to planning our celebration, with sad, full hearts. With Paula in our sad, full hearts. If only Twinkie and I can have as much love in our life together as Paula and Judith did and do.
I will remind Twinkie of this the next time we disagree ;). And I will remind myself.
Afterwards, Twinkie and I talked and thought about the choir and how much it means to us and has meant to us, and we thought about the wedding. We can't possibly have all the people we want to be at the wedding, there. We just can't afford it. But we were thinking - and maybe this would be selfish or yucky, but we were thinking that we could have a party in the spring, on Ward's Island, for the choir people - no presents, (unless people want, some people are really committed), but just a celebration of the choir and our connection to it ....
We are so blessed to be alive and be connected and to freely live each day. I am so grateful. So grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to all of us.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Time
Time passes! We now have 9 months til the big day - great if we are cooking up a baby, but shockingly short to cook up a really fun weddin' :). Or maybe just enough time. Twinkie and I have been immersed in things non-matrimonial, and also in Newfoundland and are just now back getting our Southern Ontario bearings. Sadly, one of our friends' parents died in August. We were able to have a lovely dinner party with those friends and to celebrate our friendship - some, like T.P. and T.W., I have been friends with 30 and 17 years. Time. I can't believe I have been friends with T.P. for two years longer than Twinkie has been on this planet. Time. Passes.
So, wedding updates:
1. We may have a caterer - have sent her info and details and are waiting for some info and details coming back from her, and prices. Since nobody has stepped forward to offer to pay for the shindig, it turns out Twinkie and I are doing it. And it will be so worth it to have all the people we love together to celebrate love and luck and joy and family. blah blah i digress
2. We may have an officiant - we are trying to firm that up - again, needs money, so great
3. We have the venue, we think, but as yet, no contract.
Uh oh. terrified now.
Some sweet wedding things/moments:
1. We received our first engagement gift from L.S., a lovely lucky bamboo - totally unexpected and quite sweet;
2. We received our second engagement gift from L.D. and S.W. - Bulgari perfume - which we both adore (lets just say L.D. left her sweater at our place and she wears this perfume and we would periodically sniff the sweater for the month we had it at our place). Sweater sniffers no more, we now have our own bottle - thx L.D. and S.W.; and
3. G and D. O. have said they will have an engagement party for us. How incredibly sweet.
We didn't/don't expect engagement gifts, parties, nothing - we don't expect it and don't think about it. But it was/is awfully sweet that people thought of us.
Weddings are sweet events! And seeing as we hope this to be the last wedding for either of us, we want it to be wonderful!
So - "to do" lists in hand and checking our Martha Stewart checklist, I remain
Yours in Matrimony
Cupcake
So, wedding updates:
1. We may have a caterer - have sent her info and details and are waiting for some info and details coming back from her, and prices. Since nobody has stepped forward to offer to pay for the shindig, it turns out Twinkie and I are doing it. And it will be so worth it to have all the people we love together to celebrate love and luck and joy and family. blah blah i digress
2. We may have an officiant - we are trying to firm that up - again, needs money, so great
3. We have the venue, we think, but as yet, no contract.
Uh oh. terrified now.
Some sweet wedding things/moments:
1. We received our first engagement gift from L.S., a lovely lucky bamboo - totally unexpected and quite sweet;
2. We received our second engagement gift from L.D. and S.W. - Bulgari perfume - which we both adore (lets just say L.D. left her sweater at our place and she wears this perfume and we would periodically sniff the sweater for the month we had it at our place). Sweater sniffers no more, we now have our own bottle - thx L.D. and S.W.; and
3. G and D. O. have said they will have an engagement party for us. How incredibly sweet.
We didn't/don't expect engagement gifts, parties, nothing - we don't expect it and don't think about it. But it was/is awfully sweet that people thought of us.
Weddings are sweet events! And seeing as we hope this to be the last wedding for either of us, we want it to be wonderful!
So - "to do" lists in hand and checking our Martha Stewart checklist, I remain
Yours in Matrimony
Cupcake
Friday, August 6, 2010
Do-Over
Aside from my family, there will, I think, only be one person who is coming to the wedding as a do-over, and that is TP. We've known each other since we were 16 and he has been a dear friend ever since. The night before my first wedding, he called me and asked if I wanted to back out and assured me I could. Not sure if it was because he knew that he and the groom had something BIG in common - their uncommon sexual orientation, or if it was just because he was worried about me.
Anyway, I invited him and I hope he can make it.
For the Do-Over. Done right.
Yours in matrimony,
Cupcake
Anyway, I invited him and I hope he can make it.
For the Do-Over. Done right.
Yours in matrimony,
Cupcake
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wedding News!!!
So, we asked JB of MCC if she would marry us and she is free and willing! We still have to learn about the tests we have to take and what it will cost, etc., but the search is over and we won't have to have an Elvis impersonator do it by videoconference. Phew!
Twinkie headed over to the venue to make sure that the octogenarian planning this remembers that we have booked the place. She wasn't around, but her husband was, and Twinkie gave him one of the "save the date" magnets. We got 50 of them! Kind of neat - they are business card size and the same picture that is on the blog is on them and they just mention the date and place of the weddin'
Gave them to my work friends, including E, who should, by all rights, be giving us away and walking both of us down the aisle. We asked her to marry us, too, but the whole marriage thing got messy to figure out and we are all too jealous, so in the end, we scrapped that idea. Anyway, one of my work friends is really ... ENCOURAGING me to come out to everyone at work. It is no secret that I am a big lesbian, but I like to be in the pretend closet at work ... just like to share my life with those I choose to share it with, and also because my work is rife with right-wingers. In fact, the word fa**** was used in a pejorative way - apparently that was corrected, but it does not feel like the safest place to be out! However, I am considering it. It wouldn't be shocking, it would just include strangers into my heaven. Or acquaintances. Or even work friends.
Tried to give them to Twinkie's sisters, but they were not home and don't have outdoor mailboxes!
Gave them to our MC - did I mention that our friend Venus has agreed to be the MC? When I was thinking of people and friends who have been really present and around during this year of joy and change - Venus has been one of those like S.,K. and C. who have been such amazing friends - to me and to both of us. So we wanted to honour her. Poor sweetie thought we were asking her to do a song - and we just assumed she'd be singing - didn't think to ask. Horrible us. However, we are hoping ...
Gave them to Twinkie's mom, when we had our fantastic visit last weekend!
Gave them to B. and A., when we went to visit and see the music with the Mancub.
So, we are doing some wedding stuff. In fact, Twinkie wrote her vows today. So sweet.
Creampuff is also getting excited - she referred to us as her parents the other day - no slight to her papa, but she just sees us as a unit, which is sweet - I have always wanted that for her ...
So, have to get out that wedding checklist and see where we are with the plans! Cupcake Sr. wanted me to have picked out a colour scheme by the time she gets back from Citadellia, so will have to make haste and get that underway.
Off to go see Salt in the cinema that serves you a beer right at your chair! Oh yeah. I love payday.
Yours in matrimony, Cupcake
Twinkie headed over to the venue to make sure that the octogenarian planning this remembers that we have booked the place. She wasn't around, but her husband was, and Twinkie gave him one of the "save the date" magnets. We got 50 of them! Kind of neat - they are business card size and the same picture that is on the blog is on them and they just mention the date and place of the weddin'
Gave them to my work friends, including E, who should, by all rights, be giving us away and walking both of us down the aisle. We asked her to marry us, too, but the whole marriage thing got messy to figure out and we are all too jealous, so in the end, we scrapped that idea. Anyway, one of my work friends is really ... ENCOURAGING me to come out to everyone at work. It is no secret that I am a big lesbian, but I like to be in the pretend closet at work ... just like to share my life with those I choose to share it with, and also because my work is rife with right-wingers. In fact, the word fa**** was used in a pejorative way - apparently that was corrected, but it does not feel like the safest place to be out! However, I am considering it. It wouldn't be shocking, it would just include strangers into my heaven. Or acquaintances. Or even work friends.
Tried to give them to Twinkie's sisters, but they were not home and don't have outdoor mailboxes!
Gave them to our MC - did I mention that our friend Venus has agreed to be the MC? When I was thinking of people and friends who have been really present and around during this year of joy and change - Venus has been one of those like S.,K. and C. who have been such amazing friends - to me and to both of us. So we wanted to honour her. Poor sweetie thought we were asking her to do a song - and we just assumed she'd be singing - didn't think to ask. Horrible us. However, we are hoping ...
Gave them to Twinkie's mom, when we had our fantastic visit last weekend!
Gave them to B. and A., when we went to visit and see the music with the Mancub.
So, we are doing some wedding stuff. In fact, Twinkie wrote her vows today. So sweet.
Creampuff is also getting excited - she referred to us as her parents the other day - no slight to her papa, but she just sees us as a unit, which is sweet - I have always wanted that for her ...
So, have to get out that wedding checklist and see where we are with the plans! Cupcake Sr. wanted me to have picked out a colour scheme by the time she gets back from Citadellia, so will have to make haste and get that underway.
Off to go see Salt in the cinema that serves you a beer right at your chair! Oh yeah. I love payday.
Yours in matrimony, Cupcake
Friday, July 30, 2010
Our anniversary!
This blogging is hard - as hard as going to the gym more than once a year or eating 5 fruits a day. Keeping this thing fresh could prove to be as impossible as keeping bread on the counter in a heat wave.
Wedding news ... Well, Twinkie and I celebrated our one year anniversary. Astonishing. We had a beautiful day in spite of me having to work at the church for most of the afternoon. We got away at 3 and went to our favourite bacon diner. They were closing, but let us in, locked the doors behind us and served us our usual special, with extra bacon. We had a lovely chat with Maria and she offered us drinks on the house. Told her it was our anniversary and that we were going for a country drive. Wouldn't remember any of that, except it was all in an email sent to me by my ex the next day after she'd gone into the restaurant and asked if we'd been in lately. When she got the answer, she felt compelled to write me a long letter about how horrible I am. I didn't feel up to countering the horrible part, but I corrected some misinformation in her tome and then shared with her that Twinkie and I are in love, living together and getting married.
After brunch, we left Toronto and went for a drive and revisited all the places we'd seen on our first notadate on July 18th, 2009. It was romantic and sweet and silly and fun and fabulous. I'm so glad we did it. We found some neat little antique shops and went back to a pub that has the nastiest staff and worst service ever. When we walked in, they said "we're not serving food and we're almost closing, so ...." I ordered a beer and drank it from the bottle (did I mention it is also dirty) Twinkie didn't drink her pop from a glass. But i'm still glad we went. Will post pictures here.
Both of our hearts were full with our lovely day - sounds cheesy and it is. And I'm proud of it. Bliss and enjoyment are so incredible and so fulfilling and I celebrate it when it comes my way :) Thank you so much Twinkie.
Wedding news ... Well, Twinkie and I celebrated our one year anniversary. Astonishing. We had a beautiful day in spite of me having to work at the church for most of the afternoon. We got away at 3 and went to our favourite bacon diner. They were closing, but let us in, locked the doors behind us and served us our usual special, with extra bacon. We had a lovely chat with Maria and she offered us drinks on the house. Told her it was our anniversary and that we were going for a country drive. Wouldn't remember any of that, except it was all in an email sent to me by my ex the next day after she'd gone into the restaurant and asked if we'd been in lately. When she got the answer, she felt compelled to write me a long letter about how horrible I am. I didn't feel up to countering the horrible part, but I corrected some misinformation in her tome and then shared with her that Twinkie and I are in love, living together and getting married.
After brunch, we left Toronto and went for a drive and revisited all the places we'd seen on our first notadate on July 18th, 2009. It was romantic and sweet and silly and fun and fabulous. I'm so glad we did it. We found some neat little antique shops and went back to a pub that has the nastiest staff and worst service ever. When we walked in, they said "we're not serving food and we're almost closing, so ...." I ordered a beer and drank it from the bottle (did I mention it is also dirty) Twinkie didn't drink her pop from a glass. But i'm still glad we went. Will post pictures here.
Both of our hearts were full with our lovely day - sounds cheesy and it is. And I'm proud of it. Bliss and enjoyment are so incredible and so fulfilling and I celebrate it when it comes my way :) Thank you so much Twinkie.
Monday, July 12, 2010
colour scheme
Have changed my blog colours to what I perceive are yellow and teal. Will let it percolate.
Garter
Being ladies/women/womyn/female/sistahs/girlies/girlymen/whatevs
I thought that possibly we could skip the whole garter thing. Lets face it - Twinkie is the most gorgeous sexy thing to walk the face of the earth and not sure how I'd feel having her rip a garter from my upper thigh. I doubt it would look very PG13. So, because my mind sometimes decides things on its own, I decided - nope, no garter. Although my 84 year old uncle might be okay with that, I'm not comfortable showing him that. In my mind, decided.
Just now, Twinkie and I were lurking wedding pictures of "the ghosts of years past" and came across a picture of a guy doing the garter thing to a wedding girl. In a white frou frou dress. I said thank goodness we won't be doing that. Twinkie looked at me and said "I am so doing that. Totally. Absolutely"
I hope someone spikes my uncle, mother and stepfather's drinks with medicinal marijuana if that is what is coming down the pipe.
Zut alors.
I thought that possibly we could skip the whole garter thing. Lets face it - Twinkie is the most gorgeous sexy thing to walk the face of the earth and not sure how I'd feel having her rip a garter from my upper thigh. I doubt it would look very PG13. So, because my mind sometimes decides things on its own, I decided - nope, no garter. Although my 84 year old uncle might be okay with that, I'm not comfortable showing him that. In my mind, decided.
Just now, Twinkie and I were lurking wedding pictures of "the ghosts of years past" and came across a picture of a guy doing the garter thing to a wedding girl. In a white frou frou dress. I said thank goodness we won't be doing that. Twinkie looked at me and said "I am so doing that. Totally. Absolutely"
I hope someone spikes my uncle, mother and stepfather's drinks with medicinal marijuana if that is what is coming down the pipe.
Zut alors.
Time Flies
July 12th - two weeks since my last post and since the great garage cleanup/worst fighting week ever. Thankfully two weeks.
48 weeks til our wedding. We still have no one to marry us. But we have bridesmaids, SC and Creampuff, two offers of people to sing at our wedding, actually three - KM, BM and LC. And also, LC has agreed to MC, which is great, and it looks like LC and KG will be coming! YAY!. My nephews have chosen the colour scheme - yellow and teal for the colours, rock/techno for the music and hamburgers and hotdogs for food. When I told my stepfather that we were thinking of having a barbecue - he said that that would be easy, the wait staff could just take orders for salmon, steak or chicken. **sigh** I laughed and laughed. We were thinking more along the lines of burgers, potato salad. Maybe skewers. Peanut free/nut free of course.
Just thought that maybe JB of MCCT might be someone to ask - will confer with Twinkie. Other than that, still madly in love, astonishingly engaged and realizing that I probably should get thinking and planning more seriously.
Yours in blog
Cupcake
48 weeks til our wedding. We still have no one to marry us. But we have bridesmaids, SC and Creampuff, two offers of people to sing at our wedding, actually three - KM, BM and LC. And also, LC has agreed to MC, which is great, and it looks like LC and KG will be coming! YAY!. My nephews have chosen the colour scheme - yellow and teal for the colours, rock/techno for the music and hamburgers and hotdogs for food. When I told my stepfather that we were thinking of having a barbecue - he said that that would be easy, the wait staff could just take orders for salmon, steak or chicken. **sigh** I laughed and laughed. We were thinking more along the lines of burgers, potato salad. Maybe skewers. Peanut free/nut free of course.
Just thought that maybe JB of MCCT might be someone to ask - will confer with Twinkie. Other than that, still madly in love, astonishingly engaged and realizing that I probably should get thinking and planning more seriously.
Yours in blog
Cupcake
Monday, June 28, 2010
***vacation week***
So, here I am on vacation week, emptying the garage so that Olive, our first joint piece of property and/or car, can fit in and not be subjected to the saptree spitting on her. Olive is our new car - gasp. Never had a new car. Had an Altima that was second hand (i.e. my mother's car) and an Over Achiever that I shared with my mother, but never a new car. One that you go to the window 45 times a night to check. Wracked with panic about Olive's goodwill and keeping that investment. But I digress. Have used Olive as an excuse to take a week off and clean out the garage. And by take a week off, I mean spending the morning answering work calls, well, some of the morning :).
Twinkie and I also ventured to the outlaws to water flowers, wash and dry clothes and revel in the airconditioned splendour that is their house.
Many wedding updates - one important one - we now have nobody to marry us. We had really wanted D. to marry us because she is amazing and well-spoken and part of our church, but alas, she has a personal life with dates in it, too and must adhere to those. So, we have nobody at present. It may all have to happen in Las Vegas.
We also don't have a contract for the venue. Turns out all the forms are being redone and when they are all redone, we can sign them. Not sure when that will be.
First time I did this whole matrimony thing, my mother had a wedding planner. At the time that made me cranky because mostly I was given rules and a set structure - like leaving the party at 10:30. Possibly my reluctance to do that should have been foretelling. But it wasn't. And now, with my mother heading off for six weeks, she has said that we need to think very seriously about a colour theme, or some words like that.
What that means, is what colour of napkins, table cloths and stuff we want. Huh. Last night at dinner, Twinkie regaled our friends with the colour scheme for her outfit - so sexy, so lovely. I'm aghast. These things have not occurred to me. Obviously i need a wedding planning book or I'm going to botch this thing.
The only thing that I have seen in the last week that I would want at the wedding is a handy pair of telescoping weeny roasters.
Yep.
However, we did think about having a friend M.C. the day. Either by themselves or with another friend. Mostly to share the panic. Nah, the joy.
When we were talking about it last night, I started thinking, this is going to be such a lovely event for us and our family and friends. Especially if I get a good checklist. Tablecloth colours? Last time I had a wedding planner and a gay husband to worry about those details. Harrumph.
Yours in oblivion, off to the dump.
Twinkie and I also ventured to the outlaws to water flowers, wash and dry clothes and revel in the airconditioned splendour that is their house.
Many wedding updates - one important one - we now have nobody to marry us. We had really wanted D. to marry us because she is amazing and well-spoken and part of our church, but alas, she has a personal life with dates in it, too and must adhere to those. So, we have nobody at present. It may all have to happen in Las Vegas.
We also don't have a contract for the venue. Turns out all the forms are being redone and when they are all redone, we can sign them. Not sure when that will be.
First time I did this whole matrimony thing, my mother had a wedding planner. At the time that made me cranky because mostly I was given rules and a set structure - like leaving the party at 10:30. Possibly my reluctance to do that should have been foretelling. But it wasn't. And now, with my mother heading off for six weeks, she has said that we need to think very seriously about a colour theme, or some words like that.
What that means, is what colour of napkins, table cloths and stuff we want. Huh. Last night at dinner, Twinkie regaled our friends with the colour scheme for her outfit - so sexy, so lovely. I'm aghast. These things have not occurred to me. Obviously i need a wedding planning book or I'm going to botch this thing.
The only thing that I have seen in the last week that I would want at the wedding is a handy pair of telescoping weeny roasters.
Yep.
However, we did think about having a friend M.C. the day. Either by themselves or with another friend. Mostly to share the panic. Nah, the joy.
When we were talking about it last night, I started thinking, this is going to be such a lovely event for us and our family and friends. Especially if I get a good checklist. Tablecloth colours? Last time I had a wedding planner and a gay husband to worry about those details. Harrumph.
Yours in oblivion, off to the dump.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
We've SET THE DATE!!!!!!!!
After much debate, discussion and thought - Cupcake, Twinkie and Cream Puff have decided upon June 18th, 2011 for the big date, in a barn in the country by the rolling hills - it is going to be perfect. Now for the 12 months of planning and panic!
Didn't I do this once before?
Double-checking the date with my mom and my wonderful sister and Twinkie's Mom and wonderful sisters and sending out emails asking friends and relatives to set the date aside (we'll send magnets out soon if we get a round tuit!) We may take BW up on his offer to help with the planning! And we definitely want to ask him about creating the invites :). Also - have to make sure that we can be married by D.
Okay! So here we go!!!!!!
Didn't I do this once before?
Double-checking the date with my mom and my wonderful sister and Twinkie's Mom and wonderful sisters and sending out emails asking friends and relatives to set the date aside (we'll send magnets out soon if we get a round tuit!) We may take BW up on his offer to help with the planning! And we definitely want to ask him about creating the invites :). Also - have to make sure that we can be married by D.
Okay! So here we go!!!!!!
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